IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertisings extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other peopte think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #advertisings #peopte #attention
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The
unprecendented
Correct your spelling
unprecedented
 growth of
advertisement
Correct article usage
the advertisement
show examples
 industry
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
 individuals to encourage spending for any needs, even
there
Correct word choice
if there
show examples
 is no need.
While
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
adversitements
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 play a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 selling any product, others think that
people
Use synonyms
 no longer realize ads on the screen. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline both views and give explanations of
success
Correct article usage
the success
show examples
 of advertising for buying items.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
advertisement
Replace the word
the advertising
show examples
 industry successfully improved
Correct pronoun usage
itself
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
itself
show examples
 for many years regards to
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media, and companies that
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to increase their visibility are subtly
Wrong verb form
persuading
show examples
persuade
Wrong verb form
persuading
show examples
 an artificial need for their products or
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
, even any updates for the same product.
Therefore
Linking Words
, even though
people
Use synonyms
are continuously expose
Change the verb form
are continuously exposed
show examples
 to
advertisements
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 television or smartphones, there is an
irresistable
Correct your spelling
irresistible
 urge to own the latest model of any
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, every year there are lines of
people
Use synonyms
 in the technology markets who are waiting to buy the newest model of the phone,
although
Linking Words
 more often than not it has only improvements in the camera lenses. So, common or not,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 ads are
enourmosly
Correct your spelling
enormously
 essential for companies to sell things.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite the success of
advertisements
Use synonyms
, most of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 it could be disturbing to see
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere mostly
while
Linking Words
 you
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 busy with a task,
for instance
Linking Words
, there are students who are on online education via online platforms
such
Linking Words
 as
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
, had to deal with
advertisements
Use synonyms
 during their pre-recorded courses, which could end with spend money on these platforms in order to block those unstoppable advertises. In conclusion,
success
Add an article
the success
show examples
 of
adversitements
Correct your spelling
advertisements
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 buying things can not be underestimated.
People
Use synonyms
 are spending money
whether
Change preposition
on
show examples
 something that they saw in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 advertisement or something that prevents the
advertisements
Use synonyms
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 on your screen.
Submitted by airbender on

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task achievement
Ensure that you address both views equally and provide a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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