IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the proportion of people's total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1957 and in 2008.

The charts below show the proportion of people's total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1957 and in 2008.
#show #proportion #people #european #country #commodities #services
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The pie diagram above shows the
expenses
Change the noun form
expense
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 structure of people in European countries
in
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for
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 various products and services,
such
Linking Words
 as housing, clothing, food, and
luxuary
Correct your spelling
luxury
 goods, etc.
The
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In the
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 reporting period between 1957 and 2008,
overall
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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clothing was the most
spending
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spent
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 in 1957
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2008
the
Correct article usage
apply
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housing was the highest. It can be seen that the structure had been changed dramatically over the reporting time.
Fristly
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Firstly
,
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
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 shopping which was the most
expense
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expensive
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 in 1957 had a significant decline from 32% to 12% in 2008. Meanwhile,
the own
Wrong verb form
owning
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 a house which was the largest share that people spent in 2008 had a
dramtically
Correct your spelling
dramatic
 increase from 22% in 1957 to 32% in 2008.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the food and
luxuary
Correct your spelling
luxury
 products which
were continue
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continued
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rieses
Correct your spelling
rises
 from 8% and 7% in 1957 to 17% and 17% respectively. All in all, the citizens tended to buy more durable goods and
daily
Correct your spelling
dairy
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 products than the others.
Submitted by ChampJT on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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