IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries today, there is an 'attitude that anyone can do it' in the arts - music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talent is not valued or appreciated. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #attitude #anyone #arts #music #literature #art #people #talent
Many
people
today
 say that anyone who is persistent can make it in every job they put their mind to.
In addition
, some
people
 that
also
 have luck can become easily popular just
over night
Correct your spelling
overnight
show examples
 even without
talent
 and just with
pretty
Add an article
a pretty
show examples
 face. There is an argument that genuine and true
talent
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not valued and appreciated
today
. Media and social networks
today
 can easily make someone popular, especially if that „someone“
also
 satisfies beauty standards. There are
people
 who
knows
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 how to
potoshop
Correct your spelling
Photoshop
 their photos and remake
voice
Correct pronoun usage
their voice
show examples
 to sound better and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting lots of followers on social media become popular.
Furthermore
, there are lots of actors and singers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 of their popular
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
art parents.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
start
Correct article usage
the start
show examples
 they earn
„star
Correct article usage
a „star
show examples
 badge“ without even being analyzed do they even have
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
talent
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
,
people
 that are unpopular and live in poorer countries might have
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
talent
 in art and none in
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 will ever
heard
Change the verb form
hear
be heard
show examples
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 them because nobody stands behind them to be their manager.
In addition
, some
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have
talent
 might not have good looks or have
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 unique style that
people
today
 don't
fin
Correct your spelling
find
show examples
 attractive and interesting.
People
today
 get driven by looks and not by
talent
 so
theese
Correct your spelling
these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
people
 won't become „intense“ to larger
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
. I must agree that
people
today
 don't value enough true
talent
 and because of social
media
Add a comma
media,
show examples
 anyone can easily become popular. I
also
 think that status in arts
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 shared from parent to child and that true talents are
most
Replace the word
more
show examples
 likely to be found in humble families than
those
Change preposition
in those
show examples
 who live on old glory.
Submitted by nick.winsly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: