IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.

The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.
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The line chart gives information about the number of citizens smoked per 1000
people
Use synonyms
 in Someland over the period of 40 years between 1960 and 2000. It is evident that there was an upward trend in the women’s smoking rate,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number of men decreased significantly. In 1960, the rate of males smoking in Someland was six times higher than that of females, at 600 men,
hence
Linking Words
 100 women. After 15 years, the figure for female smokers saw some fluctuations;
however
Linking Words
, it sharply rose to 300
people
Use synonyms
. The opposite trend can be seen when we look at the male rates of smoking, which gradually dropped to 500
people
Use synonyms
 during the same period of time. The rates of men
smoked
Wrong verb form
smoking
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 continued decreasing until reaching its lowest point
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period, at 250
people
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, which was still higher than
women
Change noun form
women's
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 rates
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 50
people
Use synonyms
. The number of females remained unchanged until 1985,
then
Linking Words
 it slightly went down to 200
people
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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