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Band 6

SOME PEOPLE SAY HISTORY IS ONE OF MOST IMPORTANT SUBJECTS , OTHERS PEOPLE THINK THAT TODAY, S WORLD SUBJECTS LIKE SCIENCE AND TECNOLOGY ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HISTORY

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Introduction
it
Capitalize the word
It
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 is widely recognised that many individuals say
history
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 is one of the most important school
subjects
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,
while
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 others oppose
this
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 and believe that in today's world,
subjects
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 like
science
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 and technology are more essential than
history
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.
This
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 issue has generated a significant discussion regarding the benefits of
history
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 and the advantages of replacing it with other scientific
subjects
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. In my view,
history
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 is an important subject that gives students historical knowledge, and
this
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 essay will examine both aspects to provide a comprehensive perspective.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there is a compelling argument about the benefits of
history
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. The primary reason for
this
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 is that
history
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 is not only about revolutions and colonisations, but it
also
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 studies all development stages of
science
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.
As a result
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, students will receive both scientific and general
history
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 to improve their knowledge. A clear illustration of
this
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 can be seen in many
science
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 and technology books that
also
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 study the
history
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 of
science
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, which highlights the practical impact of
this
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 situation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, another crucial factor to consider is the advantage of having young
science
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 and technology experts.
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 the fact that professionals in all fields are students who learned scientific
subjects
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 from a young age.
Consequently
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,
this
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 leads to healthy development for urbanisation and better societies.
For instance
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, recent studies at Harvard University demonstrate that a strong scientific base can make young learners more effective in their communities.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 studying
science
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 has many beneficial advantages, it is equally important to acknowledge the essential impact of learning
history
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. Ultimately, I firmly believe that
history
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 must remain a main subject
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of the massive advantages.

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task response
State your own view more clearly in the introduction. Say if history is as important as science and technology, or if one should be given more time at school.
task response
Develop each main idea further. Explain how history helps students in real life, for example by helping them learn from past wars, laws, or social change.
task response
Your science paragraph is too general. Explain why science and technology are important today, such as for health, work, transport, and new tools.
task response
Use examples that are clear and believable. The Harvard study is not explained, so it does not strongly support your point. A simple real-world example would work better.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the link between the two sides stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph has one clear main point. In the first body paragraph, move from history to the history of science more slowly, so the reader can follow your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job. Words such as 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' can help show contrast, support, and result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the conclusion. Instead, briefly sum up both sides and give one final reason for your view.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
task response
You include reasons for keeping history and for teaching science and technology.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are easy to find and match the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and basic linking words to guide the reader through the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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