There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Some people suggest that

Use synonyms

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should remove academic-unrelated courses

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apply

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so that

students

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could

Wrong verb form

can

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focus on their studying and achieve academic success.

However

Linking Words

, I disagree with

this

Linking Words

idea.

This

Linking Words

is because there are many benefits for

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

to participate

these

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in these

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non-academic

subjects

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Firstly

Linking Words

, when taking part in non-academic curriculums,

students

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have opportunities to explore their interests and develop their expertise for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

future employment.

For example

Linking Words

, some

individual

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individuals

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might master cooking or sports, they could practice their skills in courses with

teacher's

Correct article usage

a teacher's

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professional guidance

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apply

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and would have more chances to participate in competitions, and

Linking Words

furthermore

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furthermore,

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they might gain outstanding records on their resume. Second of all,

school

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should be a place delivering knowledge for various youngsters,

instead

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of restricting their thoughts and personal development. The reason is that everyone has different personalities and habits,

they

Correct word choice

and they

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will find themselves in different

subjects

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On the other hand

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, academic performance is not the only consequence

how

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of how

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we value a person, especially for

young

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the young

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generation who are still finding their way.

Besides

Linking Words

, participating in

interested

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interesting

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activities and

subjects

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could release their pressure by transferring their attention from academic work to other

subjects

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, which would help them to feel relaxed and

feel joyfulness

Wrong verb form

joyful

show examples

. In conclusion, I do not agree with removing non-academic courses to let

students

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only concentrate on academic work.

This

Linking Words

is because I believe that academic performance should not be the only thing the

school

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and people care about.

Besides

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, if so, it would restrict

students

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to develop

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from developing

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their talents and habits and they might find more stress at

school

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due to

Linking Words

lacking

Wrong verb form

a lack of

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time to

be relax

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relax

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and

enjoy

Correct pronoun usage

enjoy themselves

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Submitted by phoebejanzi on Fri Oct 06 2023

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task achievement

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task achievement

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coherence cohesion

Consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your essay's overall coherence and cohesion.

lexical resource

Avoid using repetitive language and find synonyms or different ways to express your ideas.

grammatical range accuracy

Review your essay for grammatical errors and make necessary corrections.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extent do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advanatges?