IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects . Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and History are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #school #subjects #world #science
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 necessity of school subjects
such
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 as
history
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that starting
history
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 is
an
Change the article
apply
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essential for
students
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.
However
Linking Words
 , others argue that
science
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 are more significant subjects
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
history
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. In my opinion,
students
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 can learn both of them simultaneously but I believe that
science
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 subjects are more important.
To begin
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 with, people believe that knowing their background
of
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apply
show examples
motherland is mandatory for
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 because without it human cannot build his or her future. As some countries had passed through hard times which had cost millions of
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, it is considered to know
history
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 in order to be grateful for ancestors' courage.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, studying
history
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 is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential as
reflect
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflects
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national
Add an article
the national
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 identity of a particular place and it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
key
for
Change preposition
to
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unity
Add an article
the unity
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 of a country. If the majority of
students
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 will not have any representation
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 past, it would lead to
breaking
Correct article usage
the breaking
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tight
Change preposition
of tight
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 bonds between each citizen.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 century is assumed as an era of
technology
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 which requires hard skills. Having
technology
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 classes in school improves pupils' skills on computers.
In addition
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,
Correct article usage
the perspectivity
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perspectivity
Correct your spelling
perspective
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 of jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 changing quickly and
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
the science
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 sphere is
being
Verb problem
becoming
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 more valuable than any other.
For instance
Linking Words
, today numerous STEM -
science
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,
technology
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, engineering and mathematics - projects are supported by education
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. It can lead to the preparation of professionals who will add value to the country. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important for
students
Use synonyms
 regarding to homeland,
science
Use synonyms
 classes outweigh
this
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due to
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 changes in a period. In my view, it is necessary to learn STEM in schools.
Submitted by rahattomiris on

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introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are too brief and do not fully address the topic. You should expand on your ideas and provide a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion.
supported main points
Your main points lack development and coherence. You should provide more details and examples to support your ideas.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are not directly related to the topic. Make sure to choose examples that clearly support your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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