Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
children
are extremely effected
by Correct your spelling
affected
computer
games
and real world
graphics Add a hyphen
real-world
games
. Mostly these games
are played by high-school students and these computer
games
contain extreme
violent features and actions which effects directly Change the word
extremely
behaviour
of users. Even the parents of children
are also
worried for
their Change preposition
about
children
video Change noun form
children's
games
habits.
The most popular played video Change the noun form
game
games
are pubg, freefire, battleground, and many more. The content of these games
are
mainly based on targeting your opponent and Correct subject-verb agreement
is
to fight
and Change the verb form
fighting
win
the game. These types of Wrong verb form
winning
games
are
build so Unnecessary verb
apply
much habit
of playing Fix the agreement mistake
many habits
games
in teenagers and students so, that they can
unable to quit playing. Constantly playing these Verb problem
are
games
develope
drastic emotional and Correct your spelling
develops
behaviour
changes in Replace the word
behavioural
children
. These transformation
in Change the determiner
This transformation
These transformations
children
can be seen as resultant anxiety, low confidence, and most important
violent Replace the word
importantly
behaviour
. In this
way
violence Add a comma
way,
start
building in Change the verb form
starts
children
minds which is not only dangerous for themselves but Change noun form
children's
also
for society. These violence
thoughts slowly Replace the word
violent
gets
transform into small acts and gradually these small acts Verb problem
apply
makes
Change the verb form
make
children
most
violent person. These Correct article usage
the most
type
of elements of society can transform living Fix the agreement mistake
types
place
into hell.
I still remember, When I was in my highschool my so many calss mates used Fix the agreement mistake
places
play
so many Add the particle
to play
computer
and vidoe
Correct your spelling
video
games
which contained violence, and on other
hand I always used Correct article usage
the other
play
realistic Fix the infinitive
to play
games
like Ludo, chess, and many more. There was a drastic different
between my Replace the word
difference
behaviour
and my class mates
Correct your spelling
classmates
behaviour
they tend
to Wrong verb form
tended
be act
more Change the verb form
act
violent
all the time and I used Change the word
violently
be
calm and gentle in every situation. Add the particle
to be
This
proves who
violent Correct word choice
that
contain
Verb problem
apply
computer
games
effects
Verb problem
affect
children
Change noun form
children's
behaviour
and it could be reason
for Add an article
the reason
a reason
Correct article usage
the increased
increased
in crime in major cities.Change the form of the verb
increase
Submitted by khatrisumeet400 on
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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more logical manner.
coherence cohesion
Explain the relationship between violent games and the increase in violence and crime more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence and flow of the essay by using transition words and phrases.
grammatical range accuracy
Use appropriate punctuation and capitalization throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.