IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for lesuire activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Many Individuals have been working extended
hours
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 to pursue their
career
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 aspirations, sacrificing their
time
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 available for engaging in leisure activities.
This
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 essay will elaborate about the merits and demerits of
this
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 decision on a routine day. An opinion would be substantiated
at the end
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.
To begin
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 with the merits, there are many benefits associated with working long
hours
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 in relation to
career
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 growth and experience.
First,
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working extended
hours
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 would allow a person to complete the task that they are engaged in, with the expected level of proficiency because of the availability of extra
time
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.
Moreover
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, working long
hours
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 in relation to performing different job tasks at workplace, gives the opportunity to gain additional work experience.
Hence
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, increasing the demand for an individual in the corporate world as they progress in their
career
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. For an example: - An individual gaining a diversified experience by working long
hours
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 in different departments
such
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 as IT and Finance, would help to develop a
career
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 in FinTech,
this
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 can be rewarding in terms of money.
On the other hand
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, there is always an opportunity cost with
this
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 decision.
Firstly
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,
this
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 will limit the
time
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 availability for an individual to spend with their family and loved ones.
Thus
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, leading to a poor quality of life.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 can impact an individual’s relationship with their loved ones.
Secondly
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, having an unbalanced work-life would lead to many health complexities. Thereby, leading to a risk of loss of life. For an instance: - A research report has stated that there is a positive correlation between increased number of life-threatening diseases
due to
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 the limited
time
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 available for relaxation. In conclusion, it is important to have a proper work-life balance because health and freedom is a key element of life.
Therefore
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, in my opinion the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in terms of working long
hours
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 compromising the availability of spare
time
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.

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of working long hours, and concludes with a balanced opinion. However, it would benefit from a more focused approach to directly address the question prompt.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is generally good, with clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are well-supported with relevant examples. However, there is a need for more cohesive use of linking words and phrases to improve overall coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lesuire activities
  • Work-life balance
  • Career progression
  • Economic productivity
  • Workaholic
  • Physical health
  • Mental health issues
  • Productivity
  • Work-life imbalance
  • Stress levels
  • Burnout
  • Community involvement
  • Healthcare costs
  • Time management
  • Flexible working hours
  • Quality of life
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