Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #health #care #education #responsibility

In current times, youngsters feel more challenged by study, family and work-related pressure which creates lots of detrimental effects in their

lives

. In

this

essay, I will list down causes and give some solutions to tackle

this

situation with some relative examples. To commence

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

, students face various problems

due to

academic, social and commercial.

Firstly

, from their

parents

Change noun form

parent's

parents'

show examples

and

teacher's

Change noun form

teachers'

show examples

site

Fix the agreement mistake

sites

show examples

, they expect youngsters to achieve first class in their class

hence

children

feel more insecure and pressured.

For instance

, every parent wants to receive good grades in school from their

children

's site.

Secondly

, sometimes students have an interest in

any

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

other extra activities

such

as sports, art, music and many more and they want to build their career in these types of fields but

due to

the high pressure from their family site, they do not achieve their ambition.

Lastly

, in their work life, they find lots of work and an unbalanced life

therefore

they do not find a comfort zone.

Furthermore

, there are some solutions to overcome

this type

Fix the agreement mistake

these types

show examples

of hurdles in

children

lives

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

should provide guidance and knowledge to their

children

to become successful students and employees.

Moreover

, companies should provide a more flexible environment to new employee because after completing their academics they want to have more secure and flexible

lives

in the workplace. Meanwhile, elder people should teach youngsters how to behave with other citizens. To give an overview, there are several factors

such

as commercial, social and academic affect

children

lives

However

, parents and other people should take care of and provide better opportunities and placement to young human beings.

Submitted by er.lerulal on Sat Oct 07 2023

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Task Achievement

The essay does not fully address the task. You are asked to discuss both views and give your opinion, but you only discuss one side. Make sure to consider and present arguments for both views.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not presented in a clear and organized manner, and there is a lack of logical progression between paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The essay lacks appropriate use of vocabulary and does not demonstrate a wide range of vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors in the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but others believe it is not the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

People always believe that we could be a better person by using positive mindset. To what extend do you agree?

Some people think that art lessons, such as painting and drawing lessons, should be compulsory in secondary schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disavdantages to living in a house compared with living in an apaartment?

Today social skills are being more and more emphasized by employers. Some people believe that social skills are important besides good qualifications for their job success. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Due to the availability of fast food nowadays, many people have low-quality diets. What problems can this cause? What can governments do to resolve these problems?