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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #reason #rise
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There
are be
Wrong verb form
is
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 little doubt that
obesity
Use synonyms
 is an issue that many societies
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide have to solve. The root cause for
this
Linking Words
 is
mountain
Add an article
a mountain
the mountain
show examples
 of
sugar
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 put in
food
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 but it can
be solve
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be solved
show examples
 by
government
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the government
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 warning the
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 with high
sugar
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labels
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. The underlying root of the problem is the consumption of
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
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food
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, when people consume
hing
Correct your spelling
high
sugar
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food
Use synonyms
,
glucid
Correct your spelling
lucid
glued
 in the body
transform
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transforms
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to
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into
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 fat
axit
Correct your spelling
exit
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the body fat
grow
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grows
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 up and
body
Correct article usage
the body
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become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
Use synonyms
obesity
Replace the word
obese
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.
This
Linking Words
 is true, from 1975 to now,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of obese people in the world
is
Verb problem
has
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 tripled and it
increase
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
 rapidly to around 2 billion currently. Perhaps a solution to the problem of
obesity
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 is to be found in the form of warning consumers about
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 products by the
labels
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. The most effective approach is for residents
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
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 a careful decision to choose suitable
food
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 when they go shopping.
Additionlly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
labels
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
maitain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 sales for the business but
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 need to ban
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 products. Take Mexico for an example, in 2020 Mexico enacted a law requiring warning
labels
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 on the front of
food
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 packages and it
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 a huge percentage of
obesity
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, it
clearly
Add a missing verb
is clearly
show examples
 shown is
obesity
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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 from an enormous
sugar
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 in
food
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.
However
Linking Words
, the requirement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
warning
labels
Use synonyms
 will
decline
Verb problem
decrease
show examples
 the amount of obese people.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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