All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #reason #rise

There

are be

Wrong verb form

show examples

little doubt that

obesity

is an issue that many societies

Change preposition

apply

show examples

worldwide have to solve. The root cause for

this

mountain

Add an article

a mountain

the mountain

show examples

sugar

put in

food

but it can

be solve

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be solved

show examples

government

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the government

show examples

warning the

costumers

Correct your spelling

customers

show examples

with high

sugar

labels

. The underlying root of the problem is the consumption of

high

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high-sugar

show examples

sugar

food

In other words

, when people consume

hing

Correct your spelling

high

sugar

food

glucid

Correct your spelling

lucid

glued

in the body

transform

Correct subject-verb agreement

transforms

show examples

Change preposition

into

show examples

fat

axit

Correct your spelling

exit

As a consequence

, the body fat

grow

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grows

show examples

up and

body

Correct article usage

the body

show examples

become

Change the verb form

becomes

show examples

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

This

is true, from 1975 to now,

proportion

Add an article

the proportion

show examples

of obese people in the world

Verb problem

has

show examples

tripled and it

increase

Wrong verb form

has increased

show examples

rapidly to around 2 billion currently. Perhaps a solution to the problem of

obesity

is to be found in the form of warning consumers about

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

products by the

labels

. The most effective approach is for residents

make

Fix the infinitive

to make

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a careful decision to choose suitable

food

when they go shopping.

Additionlly

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, the

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

labels

also

maitain

Correct your spelling

maintain

sales for the business but

not

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do not

show examples

need to ban

high

Add a hyphen

high-sugar

show examples

sugar

products. Take Mexico for an example, in 2020 Mexico enacted a law requiring warning

labels

on the front of

food

packages and it

reduce

Wrong verb form

reduced

show examples

a huge percentage of

obesity

Hence

, it

clearly

Add a missing verb

is clearly

show examples

shown is

obesity

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

from an enormous

sugar

food

However

, the requirement of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

warning

labels

will

decline

Verb problem

decrease

show examples

the amount of obese people.

Submitted by 11E4 Community on Sun Oct 08 2023

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

229 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. What is the reason for this rise in obesity and how could it be tackled?

Fully explain your ideas

Some children spent hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a possitive or a negative development?

Death penalty is still practiced in jurisdiction system of many countries. Some people believe that this type of punishment should be abolished. However, others are of opposite opinion. Discuss both sides of this debate and give your own opinion.

International travel has many advantages to both travelers and the country that they visited. Do Advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, others think government should spend more money for education in adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?