Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.
All over the world people face up with
behaviour
Replace the word
behavioural
problems
. This
is getting worse. Is it because of the lack of money, is
it because of the independence of the youngest? Does school have to take a major role to prevent Correct word choice
or is
this
happens
? I am going to give my point of view in my essay.
Wrong verb form
from happening
Firstly
, I want to start with the economic crisis that all societies are facing. I believe, because of that many kids
are getting aggressive. They don't have money to buy what other kids
can, and they become negative, selfish and arrogance
. All these may cause Replace the word
arrogant
problems
with their behaviour
inside the school communities and teachers must find a way to pass through. If there was a uniform and a list of things that every pupil can bought
may give less school Wrong verb form
could buy
behaviour
problems
.
Secondly
, kids
have plenty of free time without the supervision of their parents or an adult. So, they start thinking and behaving as if they are already adults, with the second to lead us in unexpected social behaviours. Kids
need to have somebody to look after them, to give them the right basis for mental and social behaviour
. Maybe their parents or even their teachers. In my country schools closed at noon so kids
have the rest of the day alone. If there are
afternoon courses at schools so everybody Wrong verb form
were
must
develop social skills through sports activities, theatre, or music classes, I believe that the problem Verb problem
could
will
be less.
In closing, I want to mention the necessity of parents and schoolteachers, so Wrong verb form
would
kids
have better communication skills and better behaviour
. Yes, we have problems
with behaviour
in schools, but we must start from somewhere to help our kids
get better and be more responsible and not so selfish.Submitted by mayiou on
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task achievement
The essay needs a clearer introduction with a direct response to the question, outlining the causes and solutions you will discuss. A thesis statement would enhance the direction and purpose of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should be clearly divided into separate paragraphs, each discussing a single cause or solution, with a clear topic sentence to introduce the main idea of that paragraph.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from a more diverse range of sentence structures and vocabulary to show language proficiency and complexity.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and show the relationships between sentences and paragraphs, bolstering coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your points about the causes and solutions to the problem, which will enhance the task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
End the essay with a conclusion that summarises your main points and posits a final thought or recommendation, solidifying your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
