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Band 3.5

People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #traditions #customs
There are many
people
 who live in outside
country
 other than their own
country
. They should actually follow the
culture
. In my opinion, I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement because of
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
depriciation
Correct your spelling
depreciation
 and diversity. To support my statement the explanation is mentioned below. Nowadays, a lot of
people
settles
Correct subject-verb agreement
settle
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
country
 outside of their own
for seeking
Change preposition
to seek
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 and better growth in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
,
Canada
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 one of the most popular
choice
Change to a plural noun
choices
show examples
 for immigrants to settle down.
This
 has led
people
 from India, Iran,
Middle-East
Correct your spelling
Middle East
show examples
, etc to move into
Canada
, henceforth has diversified the population.
However
,
people
 in
Canada
 mostly tribal
people
 are
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 verge of saving their
culture
 as their
culture
 is being
depriciated
Correct your spelling
depreciated
. In order to support
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the tribal
culture
 being extent,
Immigrant
Fix the agreement mistake
Immigrants
show examples
 need to follow
traditons
Correct your spelling
traditions
tradition
 and customs.
Moreover
, thousands of immigrants moving from different countries
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 not only brought diversity in cultures but
also
 domination of one
culture
 over others.
For example
,
accoding
Correct your spelling
according
 to recent
statics
Correct your spelling
statistics
show examples
 presented by CBC
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
,
Candadian
Correct your spelling
Canadian
 immigration from India has
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 by 25%
from
Change preposition
since
show examples
 2020 and most of the crowd is being attacted by
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 of Brampton.
This
 has led to cultural domination at least in the city of Brampton in
Canada
.
To conclude
, I believe irrespective of
people
 coming from whatsoever
country
, everyone should follow the
culture
, tradition and customs. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, the
culture
 is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 on the verge of extent.
Submitted by ankushkhandelwal on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clarity in presenting your ideas. Strive for simplicity in structure and language for better understanding.
Task Achievement
Focus on precision in language usage. Typos and grammatical inaccuracies may confuse readers about your main points.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by offering more detailed explanations or additional evidence to fully support your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on sentence structure to improve readability and make your essay more engaging.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly presented the essay topic and your viewpoint, effectively setting the stage for your argument.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the immigration situation in Canada, to support your argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reinforcing your initial stance on the subject.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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