People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #traditions #customs

There are many

people

who live in outside

country

other than their own

country

. They should actually follow the

culture

. In my opinion, I agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

the statement because of

culture

Replace the word

cultural

show examples

depriciation

Correct your spelling

depreciation

and diversity. To support my statement the explanation is mentioned below. Nowadays, a lot of

people

settles

Correct subject-verb agreement

settle

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

country

outside of their own

for seeking

Change preposition

to seek

show examples

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

and better growth in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

For example

Canada

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

one of the most popular

choice

Change to a plural noun

choices

show examples

for immigrants to settle down.

This

has led

people

from India, Iran,

Middle-East

Correct your spelling

Middle East

show examples

, etc to move into

Canada

, henceforth has diversified the population.

However

people

Canada

mostly tribal

people

are

Change preposition

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

verge of saving their

culture

as their

culture

is being

depriciated

Correct your spelling

depreciated

. In order to support

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the tribal

culture

being extent,

Immigrant

Fix the agreement mistake

Immigrants

show examples

need to follow

traditons

Correct your spelling

traditions

tradition

and customs.

Moreover

, thousands of immigrants moving from different countries

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

not only brought diversity in cultures but

also

domination of one

culture

over others.

For example

accoding

Correct your spelling

according

to recent

statics

Correct your spelling

statistics

show examples

presented by CBC

news

Capitalize word

News

show examples

Candadian

Correct your spelling

Canadian

immigration from India has

incresed

Correct your spelling

increased

by 25%

from

Change preposition

since

show examples

2020 and most of the crowd is being attacted by

city

Add an article

the city

show examples

of Brampton.

This

has led to cultural domination at least in the city of Brampton in

Canada

To conclude

, I believe irrespective of

people

coming from whatsoever

country

, everyone should follow the

culture

, tradition and customs. So

that

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

, the

culture

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

on the verge of extent.

Submitted by ankushkhandelwal on Sat May 04 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure clarity in presenting your ideas. Strive for simplicity in structure and language for better understanding.

Task Achievement

Focus on precision in language usage. Typos and grammatical inaccuracies may confuse readers about your main points.

Task Achievement

Expand on your examples by offering more detailed explanations or additional evidence to fully support your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Work on sentence structure to improve readability and make your essay more engaging.

Task Achievement

Your introduction clearly presented the essay topic and your viewpoint, effectively setting the stage for your argument.

Task Achievement

You provided relevant examples, such as the immigration situation in Canada, to support your argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reinforcing your initial stance on the subject.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In many developing countries there’s an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into the city Why do you think this happens? What problems can this cause?
Many workers from rural areas tend to shift to the cities in numerous developing countries. This is mainly due to the job opportunities in the cities and this can lead to environmental pollution in the cities.
4.5
band
Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. what are the causes of global warming and what measures can government and individuals take to tackle the issue?
Nowadays we are facing one of the most serious issue for humanity – global warming. Few decades ago people started to realize that is global warming became a serious problem. At this moment almost all of ecologiest in the world have been started warning goverments about global warming consequences.
<4
band
Some people think that parents should tell stories or read to their children. However, others believe that these days this isn’t necessary as children have so many other sources for stories, such as books, films and TV. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There is opinion that stories should be told to children by their parents. But some individuals believe that it is not need for children, because it has many sources so the child do not know to choose. My opinion is children can listen or read without the help of parents.
<4
band
‘Preventing lifestyle illnesses is the responsibility of individuals and their families, not governments.’ To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your arguments with examples from your own knowledge and experience.
These days the fact of having a healthy lifestyle has gained popularity. However it is controversial to define who has more responsibility in the habits of a society. While some believe that measures taken from governments are crucial to reduce lifestyle illnesses, others believe family and individuals have more impact on preventing this case of illnesses. In my opinion, governments have the most important role in lifestyle illness.
7
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to thei main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is argued that some pupils are willing to attend extra classes besides the major ones, while others claim to prefer taking all efforts only to achieve their professional education. Although learning about additional subjects can develop students’ soft skills, I agree with the view that students should pay attention mainly to their qualifications because it will enhance their chances of being accepted in the workplace.

People who live in foreign countries should follow the traditions and customs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many developing countries there’s an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into the city Why do you think this happens? What problems can this cause?

Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. what are the causes of global warming and what measures can government and individuals take to tackle the issue?

Some people think that parents should tell stories or read to their children. However, others believe that these days this isn’t necessary as children have so many other sources for stories, such as books, films and TV. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

‘Preventing lifestyle illnesses is the responsibility of individuals and their families, not governments.’ To what extent do you agree or disagree? Support your arguments with examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to thei main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.