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Writing Samples
Band 4

All over the world, socities are facing a growing problem with obesity What are the reason for the rise in obeisity and how could be tackled

#world #socities #obesity #reason #rise #obeisity
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The rates of
obesity
Use synonyms
 are
risen
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
 unusually fast
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 and
spread
Add a missing verb
are spread
show examples
 like
Correct article usage
an epepdemic
show examples
epepdemic
Correct your spelling
epidemic
epidemics
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world. The main
cause
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 problem is the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
food
Use synonyms
, yet it can be solved by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 enforcing
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy diets for students The current
cause
Use synonyms
 of
obesity
Use synonyms
 problems is
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in many
Use synonyms
food
Change to a plural noun
foods
show examples
. It must be recognized that the cost of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 with high
sugar
Use synonyms
quanities
Correct your spelling
quantities
lower
Add a missing verb
is lower
show examples
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 these healthy ones that’s why it’s showing up everywhere and consumers
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tend to choose
food
Use synonyms
 with high percent of
sweetener
Fix the agreement mistake
sweeteners
show examples
 because of its
prize
Correct your spelling
price
show examples
. In other word when people eat these unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 ,
sugar
Use synonyms
 messes with their brain which make people more hungry and want
eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
show examples
 more.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it
cause
Use synonyms
obesity
Use synonyms
 and lead to many diseases like diabetes heart disease, liver and cancer.
From
Change preposition
According to
show examples
 American nutritionist results that
sugar
Use synonyms
 can disorder the brain and prevent it
receive
Wrong verb form
from receiving
show examples
leptin
Correct article usage
a leptin
show examples
 signal so the brain think
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 hungry,
that’s
Correct word choice
and that’s
show examples
 starvation.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the solution can be found in government action
in changing
Change preposition
to change
show examples
diet
Add an article
the diet
show examples
 of many schools. The most effective approach is for
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 to limit
protion
Correct your spelling
protein
 sizes and
putting
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
 fruit
also
Linking Words
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 in
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
 diets.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
 schools should
puts
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 mass index on their report cards. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can have a healthy lifestyle at
school
Use synonyms
 through
strict
Correct article usage
a strict
show examples
 diet and exercise in PE
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
,
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
along with
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
help from family through the report cards. Take Wagonwheel
Use synonyms
school
Capitalize word
School
show examples
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example,
this
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
 started healthy
diets
Fix the agreement mistake
diet
show examples
stagegies
Correct your spelling
strategies
 many years ago and
really
Add a missing verb
was really
show examples
 successful in reducing
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
 for many students.
Thus
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the principal
cause
Use synonyms
 of
obesity
Use synonyms
 is
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
food
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the change in
diet
Add an article
the diet
show examples
 of schools can contribute
reduce
Wrong verb form
to reducing
show examples
Use synonyms
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
show examples
 rate
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many countries
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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