IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 like to eat junk
food
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 that contains high levels of
sugar
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 and
this
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 causes a series of problems,
for example
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, diseases and an increase in weight. The only way to reduce
this
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 issue is
increasing
Change the verb form
to increase
show examples
 the
price
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 to manufacture and it sells
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at a high
price
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain because I agree with the statement and I will give my points of view. One of the first reasons is that if you want to get rid of health problems caused by
sugar
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food
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 avoid the sell and to do
this
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 increase the
price
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 of products.
However
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, almost all supermarkets have a huge choice of products and
this
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 influence some
people
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 to buy them without
to know
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knowing
show examples
 the consequence.
For instance
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, there are a lot of foods
such
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 as chips, candies and so on that contain high levels of
sugar
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 and these can cause many diseases, especially to the heart.
On the other hand
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, I agree to improve the
price
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 but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 is not enough because it would take intensive advertising where they explain to you that eating these foods is bad for you.
Furthermore
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,
as well as
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 increasing prices, it is necessary to ban children under 15 years
to eat
Change preposition
from eating
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 some types of foods and to improve the sports centre.
To sum up
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, I believe that it is right to increase the
price
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 to minimize consumption and encourage
people
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 to avoid
sugar
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food
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 but to achieve
this
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 goal it is necessary a change of lifestyle. I hope in the future, many
people
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 eat healthy
food
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 to stay well.
Submitted by afiorentino404346 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and provides supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
grammatical range accuracy
Use a variety of sentence structures to showcase your grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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