IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Nowadays, many
people
 like to eat junk
food
 that contains high levels of
sugar
 and
this
 causes a series of problems,
for example
, diseases and an increase in weight. The only way to reduce
this
 issue is
increasing
Change the verb form
to increase
show examples
 the
price
 to manufacture and it sells
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at a high
price
. In
this
 essay, I will explain because I agree with the statement and I will give my points of view. One of the first reasons is that if you want to get rid of health problems caused by
sugar
food
 avoid the sell and to do
this
 increase the
price
 of products.
However
, almost all supermarkets have a huge choice of products and
this
 influence some
people
 to buy them without
to know
Change the verb form
knowing
show examples
 the consequence.
For instance
, there are a lot of foods
such
 as chips, candies and so on that contain high levels of
sugar
 and these can cause many diseases, especially to the heart.
On the other hand
, I agree to improve the
price
 but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 is not enough because it would take intensive advertising where they explain to you that eating these foods is bad for you.
Furthermore
,
as well as
 increasing prices, it is necessary to ban children under 15 years
to eat
Change preposition
from eating
show examples
 some types of foods and to improve the sports centre.
To sum up
, I believe that it is right to increase the
price
 to minimize consumption and encourage
people
 to avoid
sugar
food
 but to achieve
this
 goal it is necessary a change of lifestyle. I hope in the future, many
people
 eat healthy
food
 to stay well.
Submitted by afiorentino404346 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and provides supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
grammatical range accuracy
Use a variety of sentence structures to showcase your grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: