IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#employment #patterns #usa #summarise #information #report #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the
trend
 of
employment
 in the USA in different sectors from 1930 to 2010.
Overall
, It can be seen that all of the sectors had a positive
trend
 except farming, fishing and foresting had a negative
trend
. The
trend
 of Industrial, sales
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
office, and technical grew considerably between 1930 and 2010. In 1930, the number of industrial and technical workforce
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 nearly 0%. It grew significantly over time and reached nearly 40% and
30%of
Correct your spelling
30% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 workforce in 2010 respectively.
In addition
, sales and office
employment
also
 increased from 10% in 1930 to 20% in 2010. Meanwhile,
Other
Correct article usage
the Other
show examples
 services
employment
trend
relatively
Add a missing verb
was relatively
show examples
 stable during the period despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing in 1940.
Moreover
, farming, fishing, and foresting had a significant negative
trend
.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 1930, these sectors took
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
employment
Add an article
the employment
show examples
 labour force with 80%. Over time, the
trend
 decreased sharply and reached
bottom
Correct article usage
the bottom
show examples
 in 2010 with only around 3% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
.
Submitted by periset on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, employment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment patterns
  • industrial sector
  • agricultural sector
  • service sector
  • figures
  • percentages
  • trends
  • decreasing trend
  • increasing trend
  • significant growth
  • considerable decline
  • expansion
  • analyze
  • observations
  • key periods
  • transitions
  • conclusion
  • economy
  • shifted focus
What to do next:
Look at other essays: