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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below presents the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph illustrates the
trend
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 in the USA in different sectors from 1930 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, It can be seen that all of the sectors had a positive
trend
Use synonyms
 except farming, fishing and foresting had a negative
trend
Use synonyms
. The
trend
Use synonyms
 of Industrial, sales
and
Correct word choice
apply
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office, and technical grew considerably between 1930 and 2010. In 1930, the number of industrial and technical workforce
were
Change the verb form
was
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 nearly 0%. It grew significantly over time and reached nearly 40% and
30%of
Correct your spelling
30% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 workforce in 2010 respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, sales and office
employment
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 increased from 10% in 1930 to 20% in 2010. Meanwhile,
Other
Correct article usage
the Other
show examples
 services
employment
Use synonyms
trend
Use synonyms
relatively
Add a missing verb
was relatively
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 stable during the period despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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increasing in 1940.
Moreover
Linking Words
, farming, fishing, and foresting had a significant negative
trend
Use synonyms
.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 1930, these sectors took
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of
Use synonyms
employment
Add an article
the employment
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 labour force with 80%. Over time, the
trend
Use synonyms
 decreased sharply and reached
bottom
Correct article usage
the bottom
show examples
 in 2010 with only around 3% of
total
Add an article
the total
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work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words trend, employment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment patterns
  • industrial sector
  • agricultural sector
  • service sector
  • figures
  • percentages
  • trends
  • decreasing trend
  • increasing trend
  • significant growth
  • considerable decline
  • expansion
  • analyze
  • observations
  • key periods
  • transitions
  • conclusion
  • economy
  • shifted focus
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