IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #places #proportion #people
Some people believe that it is unlikely and disadvantageous to expand the capability of tertiary
education
 for a huge number of students. Personally, I strongly agree with the former opinion,
while
 completely
disagree
Wrong verb form
disagreeing
show examples
 with the latter.
Firstly
, continuing higher
education
 would benefit either the personal future
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 the economy of the nation.For many,
university
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a means of knowledge delivering where people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 pursue
further
 knowledge in a particular area and access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a wide range of skills including presenting
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
, time management,etc. After the studies, students seem to extensively identify their
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
, have an accumulation of personal experience
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 improve interpersonal communication. Having fully developed would result in better employability so that they can increase their quality of life and flourish
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 national economy.
Secondly
, the expansion of higher
education
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 is not necessary given that it is costly and the government needs to take the needs of the youth
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration.There are
Correct article usage
a numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of requirements to start
an
Change the article
a
show examples
university
 not only
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 qualified teachers
,
Correct word choice
and, range
show examples
range
Correct article usage
a range
show examples
 of up-to-date infrastructure but
also
 a huge amount of money from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 or the founders themself if it is a financially independent one.
Due to
this
 fact,
many
Change preposition
for many
show examples
 poor countries in Africa
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 to be impossible since formal
education
 might be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 economic burden.
Besides
,
university
recently
Add a missing verb
has recently
show examples
 not
a
Add a missing verb
been a
show examples
popular choice among many students as they consider higher
education
 as a waste of time and prefer to go for vocational training which could enhance job security right after completion.
Last
 but not least, having not expanded
this
education
 capacity is able to create
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
diversity in individual orientations. In conclusion, despite the personal and national
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 brought
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 tertiary
education
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is not
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 grow more
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 places because of the various references and
lots of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
requirements.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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task achievement
Develop your ideas further to provide more depth and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly state your position on the issue.
task achievement
Include more examples and data to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more effectively to improve clarity.
lexical resource
Use a more formal and precise language.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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