IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
It is often said that a pleasant way to persuade
people
 of various
cultures
 and different age groups to gather is
music
. I strongly agree with
this
 view;
however
, sometimes it depends on other
people
's personal or national tastes. In terms of various
music
styles
 worldwide, many types are trendy among
people
.
For instance
, the BTS band is the most beloved and famous group, which is familiar to everybody, particularly among teenagers and youngsters, whether they are their fans or not. So that when the BTS holds a concert in every country, all kinds of
people
 of all ages or
cultures
 will be gathered together in that area.
Moreover
, many singers or
music
 constructors who are as famous as the mentioned group can bring all kinds of
people
 together without noticing their ages, nationalities, or races.
Nevertheless
, there would be many
music
styles
 that are exclusive and limited to only one group of
people
.
Such
 as traditional
music
 that might not be attractive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of
people
.
Furthermore
, many
styles
 would belong to one particular country or culture, which could not be absorbed by other
cultures
, which means they are based on individual tastes. Taking everything into consideration, many types of
music
 are available to attract all kinds of
people
 from different
cultures
 and age groups.
However
, other
styles
 would be fascinating for limited manners. To
this
 attitude, many more international
music
styles
 will emerge in the future that can absorb more
people
 to bring them together.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your argument.
lexical resource
Consider using more diverse vocabulary to improve lexical resource.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: