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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Graph Below Shows the Annual Visitor Spend for Visitors to New Zealand from 5 Countries for the Years 1996 to 2014

Graph Below Shows the Annual Visitor Spend for Visitors to New Zealand from 5 Countries for the Years 1996 to 2014
#visitor #visitors #zealand #countries #years
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The line chart depicts annual tourist
expenditure
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 (in
NZD
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) in New Zealand from five different countries from 1996 to 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
,
China'
Change noun form
China's
show examples
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
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 marked the highest expense
growth
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,
while
Linking Words
 Japan's did the reverse.
In addition
Linking Words
, visitor
growth
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 rate from US, UK, and Australia was almost similar. In the initial period,
China'
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China's
show examples
visitors
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 almost spent zero
expenditure
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 in New Zealand, and rose dramatically until
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 a peak in 2004 (slightly above 500
NZD
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),
then
Linking Words
 decreased gradually to the year 2008 (only leaving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half from the apex), and rose again but not exceeding the peak in 2014 with almost 500
NZD
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. Japan's
visitors
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in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period scored roughly below 500
NZD
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. It grew and reached its pinnacle in 2002 surpassing 1000
NZD
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, and decreased to its second lowest number with almost 500
NZD
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 in 2014. Australia and
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 in the initial period were marked as
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 largest
visitors
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 with almost a hundred
NZD
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,
while
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the UK'
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UK'
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UK
show examples
visitors
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 became the fourth largest with almost 500
NZD
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Australia'
Change noun form
Australia
show examples
 and
UK'
Change noun form
UK
show examples
Use synonyms
visitors
Fix the agreement mistake
visitor expenditures
show examples
expenditure
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 witnessed fluctuation and ended with a
growth
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 rate
approximately
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of approximately
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 two times, but
Correct article usage
the US'
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US'
Change noun form
US
show examples
Use synonyms
visitors
Change to a genitive case
visitor's
visitors'
show examples
Use synonyms
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 experienced a steadier trend with
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growth
Add an article
a growth
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 rate
almost
Change preposition
of almost
show examples
 two times.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, nzd, growth, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 7 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual expenditure
  • tourism revenue
  • spending trends
  • economic impact
  • visitor spend
  • tourism sector
  • peak spending
  • fluctuations
  • incline/decline in spending
  • monetary contribution
  • tourist demographics
  • economic conditions
  • tourism campaigns
  • statistical analysis
  • data interpretation
  • fiscal year
  • extrapolate data
  • spending patterns
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