IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animal and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent times, people
hold
Wrong verb form
have held
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 conflicting views about whether authorities spend too much money and
labor
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labour
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 on protecting endangered
animals
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 and
birds
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. I am convinced that the efforts the government uses for
this
Linking Words
 purpose are sufficient and
this
Linking Words
 essay serves to make it clear. First of all, the protection of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 and
birds
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 plays an important role in the future survival of
humans
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. The research
of
Change preposition
on
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 protecting
animals
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 brings several benefits, each kind of species has their own particular ability, which scientists can find out and research deeply if
this
Linking Words
 ability has a superior potential in the living standard of
humans
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such
Linking Words
 as healthcare.
Hence
Linking Words
, the existence of these
animals
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 may be an anticipation for
humans
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' future to avoid some disasters
such
Linking Words
 as pandemics,
for instance
Linking Words
, when ice in Antarctica and the North Pole will melt and release several unknown ancient viruses or epidemics. To solve
this
Linking Words
 risk, scientists can find new vaccines by carrying out many experiments with a diverse range of
animals
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 like the way these creatures respond to an epidemic or new vaccines before being used for
humans
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the conservation of a wide range of
animals
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 is another way to protect biodiversity,
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humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
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 habitats, and natural resources. Many daily activities of wild creatures have a vital correlation with the growth of special herbs or rare trees, which are used for several purposes
such
Linking Words
 as medical materials.
For example
Linking Words
, simply, the relationship between bees and mints is win
to win
Verb problem
;
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, the daily activities of the bees stimulate flowers to grow rapidly with better quality, and a leaf of mints is a key element for sore throat medicine.
Thus
Linking Words
 the conservation of wild
animals
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 and
birds
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 is another method to protect and improve the standard of
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humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
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 life. In conclusion, the resources consumed for the protection of wild creatures and
birds
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 are sufficient, these efforts are like an investment for the preparation of disaster in the future and improve the living standard of citizens.

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Task Achievement
Your essay adequality addresses the topic and consists of an introduction and conclusion. However, you should strive to develop each paragraph fully by providing more specific examples to support your main points. This would enhance your task achievement score.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay contains a clear overall progression, with logical structure and coherence between sentences and paragraphs. To improve, work on varying your linking words and organizing your paragraphs around one main idea each. Furthermore, ensure your examples are directly linked to your key arguments, which will provide a clearer line of thought and improve cohesion.
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