IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#countries #time
Many people argue that long average working hours bring more profits to the countries than those which have lower
time
. Personally, I partly agree with
this
 view and it depends on the monetary and physical health of workers. On the one hand, the more
time
 you
work
, the more money you make.
Therefore
, if citizens earn more money from their hard
work
, the government will receive more revenue from taxes leading to the development of the
economy
. To illustrate, many present companies pay salaries to employees based on their dedication and productivity.
Hence
, it is easier for staff who
work
 for a long period and have high productivity to be promoted on the career ladder and dedicated to society by paying taxes.
On the other hand
, I believe that not always spending a long
time
 at
work
 contributes more to the money in the
economy
 than those who do not. One reason is that some health problems may appear
due to
 long-term assignments.
Thus
, their productivity will decrease and badly affect their income.
For example
, in Japan, many people who are old and vulnerable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diseases
such
 as stress and strain are working like blue-collar workers in some fields.
Consequently
, many research showed that the rate of loneliness and isolation in them
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
show examples
 than in many countries of the world, resulting in the reduction of the labour force and profits of the
economy
. In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I believe that
although
 long labour
time
 can help the
economy
 of the countries earn higher revenue, it is not a good way to improve the monetary because of the potential harm to the residents.
Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • working hours
  • productivity
  • sustainable development
  • work-life balance
  • labor laws
  • efficiency
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • burnout
  • occupational health
  • technological innovation
  • industrialized nations
  • emerging economies
  • workforce
  • competitiveness
  • workplace culture
  • employee turnover
  • quality of life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: