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Band 4.5

It is better to be unemployed than to be employed in a job one does not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#job
Some of us believe that working with undesirable
conditions
 is considered worse than being jobless. Despite there being lots of negative associations with
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
conditions
, it is just a matter of status. There are still lots of remote jobs and freelance options to consider.
Thus
, I strongly agree with the opinion that unenjoyed
employees
 lead to a wider drawback for
employees
’
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Due to
 the high workload,
employees
 somehow do not pay attention to their worsening mental health. The overworked
employees
 have much pressure
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their regular tasks, which leads to depression. Based on the research in Asia,
employees
 that experienced depression impacted
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the decreasing productivity, which was reflected by their contribution to the employer. These findings aligned with the fact that most companies measured the happiness of their
employees
 only through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job satisfaction
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 failed to capture their wellness.
Furthermore
, the worsening mental health
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhappy
conditions
 could
also
 impact an employee's physical health. I have once experienced the unenjoyable work that requires my team to work more than 9 hours a day to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 certain goals. After successfully exceeding our targets, each of us left the office for some days
due to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bad fever and other unwell
conditions
.
This
 cycle occurred several times until we realized that
we’re
Wrong verb form
we were
show examples
 not living in a healthy condition and had the courage to leave the company.
Overall
, we can say that the enjoyment of a job is not a matter of idealism but outweighs our wellness. Living the enjoyable work is nearly everyone’s wish to be, which makes it priceless when we have found the one.
Submitted by kania.tunggadewi on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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