Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activity

It is a common belief that authorities ought to prohibit insecure physical

activities

However

, there is a more persuasive argument that

has

Correct pronoun usage

one has

show examples

the freedom to do any

sports

or activity .The following essay will go through both viewpoints.

To begin

with , The increasing

number

people

who

relly

Correct your spelling

really

show examples

want to join the risky sport. It through by a

number

people

think that governments ought to ban

sports

. The first reason is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

these

activities

pose a significant risk to the health and

safety

of participants and require significant medical resources to treat injuries.

Secondly

, threatening

sports

can have a negative societal impact , leading to an increased burden on healthcare systems and encouraging young citizens to engage in risky behaviours.

Finally

, prohibiting unsafe

sports

can help promote a culture of

safety

and responsibility .

On the other hand

people

should have the ability to engage in

sports

activities

that they enjoy, even if they may be considered risky.

However

, it is vital to balance

this

freedom with the potential risks and negative consequences associated with these

activities

. Terminal, it is up to individuals to make decisions about their own

safety

and well-being.

For example

, participating in

sports

where the contention phase is easily controversial and easy to fight leads to

people

’s lives. In short, it is thought

Change preposition

apply

show examples

number

people

that a

number

people

think

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

government should ban threatening

sports

moreover

others hold

Correct article usage

the

show examples

view that

people

should have the freedom to do any physical activity.I believe

people

are entitled to play insecure

sports

if they want , and in lieu of a ban would help ease the

safety

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Tue Oct 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to improve the logical structure.

task achievement

Make sure the essay fully addresses both viewpoints and provides a clearer opinion.

task achievement

Include more specific and relevant examples to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

severe injuries
fatalities
base jumping
bull running
extreme skiing
safeguard
well-being
regulating
avoidable harm
healthcare costs
burdening
personal freedom
autonomy
training
equipment
mitigated
personal satisfaction
mental health benefits
resilience
adventure
assess risks
public safety
unnecessary healthcare costs
outright bans
balanced approach
stringent safety standards
mandatory training sessions
adequately informed
safeguarding
public health

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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outways disadvantages in family developement.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be disadvantages of being self-employed?

Planting trees if very important, some people say that trees should be planted in the vacant areas of the cities and town, while others say that housing facilities should be build instead. Do you agree or disagree?