Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is commonly believed that
art
plays a fundamental role in cultures throughout the world.
Nevertheless
, people nowadays
are thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
that
art
is not worth considering more than science, technology and
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
industry. The main reason for
this
is the higher income in those professional careers and a viable solution is to increase funding from the
government
towards arts.
Firstly
, it is well-known that the highest-paid professions are those in science, technology and business. Because of
this
, a lot of individuals are moving towards
this
profession rather than
art
-related fields.
Consequently
, the lack of job markets and low salaries for creative
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
as a career is an
absolute
Change the word
absolutely
show examples
imperative reason behind
this
.
For example
, a few Indonesian artists eventually make a career change, simply because they need a higher income for living.
However
, there are attainable actions to reduce
this
trend. The main attempt to be mentioned is if the
government
put financial support into
this
aspect. They can sponsor several activities at school to stimulate students from childhood
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because children have more tendency in terms of creative activity.
Furthermore
, the
government
can provide more scholarships to study
art
subjects,
this
could eventually lead many individuals to establish their willingness to study arts above science and other subjects.
To conclude
, it can be stated that careers in sciences, technology and business will always be preferred
due to
the higher wages. But, at the same time, if the
government
takes
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
as I mentioned above, the new generation could be attracted towards the profession of
art
.
Submitted by keykolubis on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas more to provide a deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are organized and flow logically.
lexical resource
Use a variety of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy: subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and word choice.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • STEM subjects
  • Job security
  • Financial success
  • Pragmatic
  • Utilitarian pursuits
  • Art education
  • Inclusive
  • Engaging
  • Contemporary society
  • Social issues
  • Environmental themes
  • Digital platforms
  • Virtual museums
  • Interactive art
What to do next:
Look at other essays: