Many people believe that social network websites such as Facebook and Instagram, have had a huge negative impact on both individual and Society. To what extent do you agree?
Some
people
believe that social media platforms such
as Facebook and Instagram have a negative effect on people
and society
, while
others disagree to
Change preposition
with
this
notion. I personally believe the former thought that it causes negative effect
on Fix the agreement mistake
effects
mental
and social Add an article
the mental
aspect
of individuals.
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
To begin
, some people
positively embrace social media websites such
as Facebook and Instagram due to
its
vast Correct pronoun usage
their
connection
all over the world. These giant platforms are famous Fix the agreement mistake
connections
in
all continents connected to the internet. There are a lot of benefits that Change preposition
on
people
get from these platforms: money, friends, and increased self-esteem. Firstly
, there are different
Change the article
a different
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
business minded
Add a hyphen
business-minded
people
who are selling different kinds of things in
Change preposition
on
thier
pages, they can do a live-selling show or advertise something. Correct your spelling
their
Secondly
, they make thousand
and millions of friends Correct your spelling
thousands
on-line
. They can create pages where like-minded Correct your spelling
online
people
join together to build an online community where they can share their passions. Thirdly
, when people
post a video or a though
and it gets a lot of likes and hearts, they feel loved and Correct your spelling
thought
increased
their self-confidence.
Wrong verb form
increase
On the other hand
, some people
believe that Facebook and Instagram negatively affects
Change the verb form
affect
people
, both individually and the society
. They believe that it brings addiction, compromised safety and privacy, and no time for family. Individually, many people
are addicted in
posting, watching, streaming, and, surfing videos and photos online. They are not contented with one or two videos and Change preposition
to
kept
watching for more, which leads to having no time to take care of the family. As a Wrong verb form
keep
society
, some people
are concerned of
compromised safety like identity theft and being scammed.
In conclusion, I totally believe that Change preposition
about
this
causes negative
impact Correct article usage
a negative
to
individuals and Change preposition
on
society
. Most people
are addicted to posting and watching videos leading to lack
of time spent Correct article usage
a lack
to
family Change preposition
with
in
things like playing with children or cooking at home. Privacy and safety are compromised as Change preposition
on
people
post most of what they do and what their thoughts are.Submitted by quimbocerianne on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved. Try to make them more engaging and provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your main points and enhance the clarity of your arguments.
Coherence/Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically connected and coherent throughout the essay. Consider using linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing.
Grammar
Review your use of grammar to ensure accuracy. Pay attention to verb tense consistency and sentence structure.
Vocabulary
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and diversify your word choices.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.