IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The given two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010

The given two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
two pie charts below show the online shopping
sales
Use synonyms
 for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Each pie chart illustrates the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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percentage of online
sales
Use synonyms
 in electronics and
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
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, food and beverage, home furnishings and video games. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pie charts
given
Wrong verb form
give
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
percentages
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 four retail sectors. Online
sales
Use synonyms
 of
electronic
Replace the word
electronics
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 and
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
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 in 2005 compose nearly
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 (35%), which had dropped
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a tiny fraction (5%) in 2010. The amount of food and beverage
rise
Replace the word
rose
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for
Change preposition
by
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 almost 10% in 2010.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 modest twenty
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
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 (10%) of online
sales
Use synonyms
 in home furnishings fell in
five
Correct determiner usage
a
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year
Correct your spelling
five-year
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 period, which
constitute
Change the verb form
constitutes
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 the most epic fall with
small
Add an article
a small
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 proportion in
electronics
Correct article usage
the electronics
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 retail sector. Video games have only an insignificant minority
reached from
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 18% to 23% growth despite
five
Correct determiner usage
a
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year
Correct your spelling
five-year
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 period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add linking words.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail sectors
  • online shopping sales
  • significant growth/decline
  • consumer behavior
  • market trends
  • economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • sales percentages
  • emerged
  • evolution
  • notable
  • constancies
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