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Band 4

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? GIve reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write atleast 250 words

#salary #job #satisfaction #reason #atleast
Nowadays, there are different thoughts about whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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salary or
the
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apply
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satisfaction
 is more essential in
adult's
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an adult's
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 life.
While
 part of
the
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apply
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society
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that earning more money
is play
Wrong verb form
plays
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 a key role in
satisfaction
, others think that being happy about what you do in
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 is crucial. I slightly disagree with the given statement and in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will outline the reasons why I believe
job
satisfaction
is bring
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
 joy in people's lives rather than money. On the one hand, depending on the inflation rates people are more tend to work in jobs with higher salaries in order to afford their needs, hobbies or even for running errands.
Therefore
, working without joy in working space is unfortunately highly common in individuals, which could
be resulting
Wrong verb form
result
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 in feeling unwell even though the financial gains.
For instance
, there are sharply increased amount of managers and C-level employers
for example
CEO
Fix the agreement mistake
CEOs
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 and CFOs, who are suffering from anxiety and stress relying on their stressful working environment and their duties in
job
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their job
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.
Consequently
,
big
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the big
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 salaries that they earned could not help with their mental health.
On the other hand
, higher salaries allow people to financially
satifsy
Correct your spelling
satisfy
 themselves,
enrich
Correct word choice
and enrich
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 their lifestyle with more expensive items, houses and vacations, but lack
of
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apply
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a
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apply
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meaning or a purpose. Ensuring
an
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a
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 purpose
while
 commuting to work
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 these folks to enjoy their time in
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
, which could conveniently increase by accomplishing these responsibilities
that
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apply
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given
Add a missing verb
are given
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 by their managers. If we compare the
satisfaction
 of hobbies with luxury via higher salary with
the
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apply
show examples
job
satisfaction
, there is no chance to satisfy themselves with hobbies at leisure. In conclusion,
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of purpose and enjoyment in
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more often than not
resulted
Replace the word
results
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 disrupted mental health, which
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 be replaced by expensive things.
Submitted by airbender on

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structure
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include a thesis statement and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
content
Develop your main points further and provide more specific examples to support your argument.
lexical
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammar
Review and improve the sentence structure and grammar usage throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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