IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The charts provide information about how many
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
Use synonyms
cities
Change preposition
in cities
show examples
,
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
, and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 divided by who
born
Add a missing verb
was born
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 an upward trend for
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
, at the same time
many
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
people
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 in towns and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 than
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 outside.
However
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 in towns and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 was the biggest. In 1995, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
born
Correct pronoun usage
those born
show examples
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
lived
show examples
 in
cities
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was about 50 and 60 per cent respectively. Many
people
Use synonyms
 who live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and
cities
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
come from outside
Australia
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 in town and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have decreased in 2010.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 year
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 have increased
more
Change preposition
by more
show examples
 than 15 per cent for
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and 20 per cent for
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 in Towns and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 was the largest.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, life, cities, areas, australia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: