IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that they should need all the money they have earned and should not pay tax to the state. Do you agree or disagree?

In the present
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
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,
children
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 are facing many problems ,
such
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 as academic, commercial and others.
This
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 essay intends to discuss the reasons
of
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for
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 pressure and suggest some measures to alleviate
this
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 issue. There are
pressures
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 on
children
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, which are related
academic
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to academic
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 issues.
For example
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, their
parents
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 want their
children
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 to excel in every field. That's why , they have to do a
lot
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 of tasks.If they are not the best pupil,their
parents
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 will punish them and
this
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 is why, they have a
lot
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 of academic
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pressures
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pressure
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. They have a
lot
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 of lessons and
also
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 there are private
tuitions
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tuition
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 after school and
this
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 causes a
lot
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 of stress and problems related to their health. There are
also
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 social and commercial
pressures
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.They want to know all things all over the world.
For example
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, they want to adopt different cultures,
different
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and different
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 languages and
this
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 changes their outlooks.Because of
adopted
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adopting
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 other cultures, they forget their tradition and they may
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not respect their
parents
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 or other people .
Secondly
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,their commercial problem is very noticeable.
For example
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,if their peers wear expensive clothes, they want to wear
this
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 kind of
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
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 and their
parents
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 don't buy them ,they will face pressure. Despite
this
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 ,it is possible
that
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apply
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to find
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
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.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 have to be patient and teachers haven't to give more homework than they can do .
Children
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's more
times
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time
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spend
Verb problem
apply
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in school, so the biggest onus on the school and teachers.
Secondly
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,
parents
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 have to help their
children
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 to choose friends,because if their friends are not disciplined,
this
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effect
Correct your spelling
affects
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to
Change preposition
apply
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their
children
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.
To conclude
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,it has been reiterated that there are academic,social and commercial
pressures
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 among today's
children
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.
This
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 essay suggested some solutions to
this
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.If
this
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 is not stopped ,
this
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 will be
disaster
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a disaster
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,but it is not at
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 bad level and it is possible
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to prevent it.

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task achievement
The essay should focus on whether people should pay taxes to the state or not, rather than discussing the pressures faced by children.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include these sections in your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This will help to make your essay more persuasive and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical structure of your essay. Make sure your ideas flow logically and are well-organized.
grammatical range accuracy
Use proper punctuation and grammar to improve the clarity and readability of your essay.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: