Internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand it also isolated us and discuss people not too socialized. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the modern era, the advancement of technology, especially
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
enables us to connect with others across the world, regardless of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
location.
However
, it can
also
deteriorate the relationship in
realistic
Correct word choice
real time
show examples
. In
this
essay, the reasons to support the aforementioned statement will
be explain
Change the verb form
be explained
show examples
with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
example from my point of view. On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
hand, people can keep in touch with each other via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
capability. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology including smartphones,
taplets
Correct your spelling
tablets
, and notebooks allow us to chat and talk with others as long as they
connected
Add a missing verb
are connected
show examples
to
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
signal.
For example
, I can talk with my friends who live in the Netherlands through video calls without paying any single Baht.
Moreover
, the organization can convene the online meeting with 50 participants via Zoom application, which can save a huge amount of time and money for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
Therefore
, it facilitates our daily life
,
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apply
show examples
and makes our life more convenient.
On the other hand
, online
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
also
have a side effect, which can set us apart from the real world. Individuals increasingly become addicted to a smartphone as there are many interesting social media
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
and games that are
entertained
Replace the word
entertaining
show examples
. From my
dissapointed
Correct your spelling
disappointed
experience, I saw parents and their children sitting
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
same table, but
instead
of talking with each other, they were scrolling
their
Change preposition
through their
show examples
mobliephone
Correct your spelling
mobile phones
.
Hence
,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
can steal
our
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the
show examples
quality time that we should spend with our beloved people. In conclusion,
according to
the mentioned reasons, I totally agree with the statement that
although
internet
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the internet
show examples
can facilitate us to more remotely connect with individuals, it
also
escalate
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escalates
show examples
the relationship among friend and family in real life.
Submitted by pantamitsaekong on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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