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Writing Samples
Band 5

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #films #computers #games #books
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Books
Use synonyms
 have been an essential tool for
students
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' education.
However
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, there are other resources that can replace
books
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 like films,
computers
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 and games. From my perspective, these can be a perfect alternative to replace
books
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. Nowadays,
due to
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 the fast technology development, many people (especially the young ones) prefer using electronic devices
such
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 as
computers
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instead
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 of traditional ones like
books
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.
This
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 has made an impact on their education too, some
students
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 now prefer electronic resources rather than physical ones. A perfect example is that
students
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 choose to look up
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any information they need on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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instead
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 of going to the library and searching it in
books
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, Google is the perfect proof of
this
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.
On the other hand
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, if schools decide to include the use of films,
computers
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 or videogames they can encourage the
students
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 to learn in a different way which can be beneficial for their education. Unlike
books
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, electronic devices are more flexible because they allow people to process information in an easier way,
while
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 with
books
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 all your learning relies on your imagination.
For example
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, if a student is not good at reading because he can not concentrate well or imagine what he is reading, he can watch a movie or find a video on the internet explaining it and
that
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apply
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he will learn the topic earlier. The
more
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The more
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 flexible an educational resource is, the easier will be for the student to learn.
Books
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 will always be a fundamental tool for
students
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while
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 learning, but because everyone has a different process of learning, schools should include films,
computers
Use synonyms
 and games in their educational system.
Submitted by dannie.sanval on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure. Make sure to have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your ideas lack development and clarity. Make sure to support your main points with relevant examples and provide a clear explanation of your viewpoints.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary and expressions to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to improve your grammatical range and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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