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Writing Samples
Band 6

12.The chart below shows the types of communication training taken by employees in an international company and the reasons why they took part in this training. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

12.The chart below shows the types of communication training taken by employees in an international company and the reasons why they took part in this training. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The graphs below display 5 types of communication preparation that an international organization’s workers did and why they have chosen these courses.
Overall
Linking Words
, part-time
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 had the biggest market share,
then
Linking Words
 is the self-tuition,
while
Linking Words
 the others are not significant. The reasons why employees choose to do these courses is
primary
Change the word
primarily
show examples
 because of holiday travelling. The course with the highest
overall
Linking Words
 share is the part-time training
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
evening
Correct article usage
the evening
show examples
 with 39%, the next
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
 proportion is the part-time classes at
weekend
Correct article usage
the weekend
show examples
, which is 17% lower than the ones taken
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
evening
Correct article usage
the evening
show examples
. Self-tuition has the same percentage as the weekend classes, which is 22%. The
last
Linking Words
 two are intensive training with a small minority of 12%, and distant learning a tiny fraction of 5%. The principal motive why they took these classes is because of holidays, with nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the total. The next biggest
overall
Linking Words
 share is business travel with almost a fifth,
while
Linking Words
 the reason of personal interest only occupied
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
14% and communication with clients
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 reason had a proportion of 13%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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