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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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The introduction of physical education in
academic
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the academic
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syllabus
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syllabi
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 which was always
debatable
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a debatable
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 issue has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked
the
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apply
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controversy over the potential impact in recent years. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 the former proposition appears to be more rational .
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate my views for favouring the positive impact of
this
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 trend and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 is that pupils will be more attracted
toward
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to
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 physical activities and will gain knowledge about
positives
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the positives
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 of joining sports which will eventually result in more fit juveniles.Another striking benefit in
this
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 regard is that youngsters will have less screen time in school as with the advent of technology projectors are mostly used during sessions to deliver lectures, and physical education lectures will provide enough time for students to spend on their physical activities in open grounds.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a survey it has been proven that kids who participate in games are less likely to become overweight than the ones who do not join sports.
Thus
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,
this
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 fact cannot be ignored. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact
is
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apply
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that learners get to know about various
type
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types
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 of physical
excercises
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exercises
exercise
 that can be done at home without
involvement
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the involvement
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 of heavy objects or gym
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 to keep
body
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the body
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 healthy and sound. To exemplify, in India physical lessons are complusory and Yoga which is
prominent
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a prominent
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 art of physical
excercise
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exercise
 is part of
syllabus
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the syllabus
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 which is making individuals interested in joining Yoga classes and doing Yoga at home. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the
arguements
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arguments
aforementioned above, one can reach
to
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apply
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a
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the
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 conclusion that the benefits of physical education in school academics are indeed too great.
Submitted by gill.g24 on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your ideas.
task achievement
Include specific details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more structured introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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