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Writing Samples
Band 5

the table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.

the table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.
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The given table illustrates the systems of underground
railway
Fix the agreement mistake
railways
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 in six different cities (
London
Use synonyms
,
Paris
Use synonyms
, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto, Los Angeles) which
measured
Add a missing verb
are measured
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 by opening date,
route
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 (in
kilometres
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), and
passengers
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 per year (in millions).
Overall
Linking Words
,
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
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station
Use synonyms
 in Tokyo had the most
passengers
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 in 1927
while
Linking Words
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
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station
Use synonyms
 in Kyoto had the fewest
passengers
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 in 1981
although
Linking Words
 they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 from the same country. Excitingly, European underground
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station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
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 namely
London
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 and
Paris
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 had the highest
Use synonyms
passengers
Correct quantifier usage
number of passengers
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 and the longest
route
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 than American underground
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station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
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 underground
station
Use synonyms
 in Tokyo and Kyoto which opened in 1927 and 1981 served 1927
million
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 and 45
million
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passengers
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, respectively.
Those
Change the determiner
That station
Those stations
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station
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 had 155
kilometres
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 and 11
kilometres
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 in routes
subsequently
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
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station
Use synonyms
 in
London
Use synonyms
city
Capitalize word
City
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 opened in 1863 had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 longer
route
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 (394
kilometres
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) than
Paris
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city
Capitalize word
City
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 (199
kilometres
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)
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 opened in 1900.
London
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station
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 dealt with 775
million
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 customers
while
Linking Words
Paris
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station
Use synonyms
 dealt with 1191
millions
Change to singular
million
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. Compared to
those European
Change the determiner
that European station
those European stations
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station
Use synonyms
, American
Use synonyms
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
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 served the lower score, for the
route
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also
Linking Words
 the quantity of
passengers
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, both Washington DC
station
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 which opened in 1976 and Los Angeles
station
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 which opened in 2001. They had 126
kilometres
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 and 28
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
Use synonyms
route
Change preposition
of route
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 length, they
also
Linking Words
 had 144
million
Use synonyms
 and 50
million
Use synonyms
 customers,
subsequently
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, subsequently, while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, paris, route, kilometres, passengers, station, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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