There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country

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Nowadays, there are various

different

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

genres of

music

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and its importance for

human

Correct article usage

the human

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race has been widely

acknowledge

Change the verb form

acknowledging

acknowledged

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay will elucidate the underlying reasons why the existence of

music

Use synonyms

is essential in our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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Additionally

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, it will discuss whether a country's traditional

music

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holds

Correct article usage

a more

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important position than

the

Correct article usage

apply

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international

music

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and why I disagree with the statement.

Music

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has played

pivotal

Correct article usage

a pivotal

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roles

Fix the agreement mistake

role

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in influencing the life of our society regardless of where we live. Historically, humans have used

music

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as a form of art and expression.

For instance

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, the Arabs developed

percusions

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percussions

percussion

as their traditional musical instruments to show their identity as a nation that upheld

vigor

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vigour

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ways of life. Nowadays, people listen to

musics

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music

kinds of music

pieces of music

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for various reasons,

such

Linking Words

as relaxing and as a means to light up

the

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their

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moods.

Music

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can even be economically profitable for many people as they can earn money by making

music

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This

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shows how

music

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has been essential for our identity,

well-beings

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well-being

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, and even our economic sustainability. Despite the universal acceptance of the

significant

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significance

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music

Use synonyms

, there is still a debate

whether

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about whether

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traditional

music

Use synonyms

is more important than

the

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apply

show examples

international

music

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

contention stems from the fact that

the

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apply

show examples

international

music

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gains more popularity which eventually threatens the existence of traditional

music

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However

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, I strongly believe that all genre of

music

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is equal, nothing is better or more significant than others. Choosing which

music

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to listen

Change preposition

to is

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a manifestation of individual taste. The deterioration of people's interest in traditional

music

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should be seen as

Change the article

show examples

inevitable development of our culture,

instead

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of a threat. In conclusion,

music

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has been an essential element in humans' lives as shown by the positive impacts that it brings in our society.

However

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, it should be noted that all

music

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genres are equally important to be preserved.

Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on Wed Oct 11 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

301 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Waste disposal presents increasing problems, especially in urban areas. What do you think are the causes? Give some suggestions to the government and individuals on how to reduce the amount of rubbish.

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the government's responsibility.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people work for the same company or organisation during their whole working life why I don't see is dead. It is better to work for different companies discuss both views and give your opinion.

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?