There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country

Nowadays, there are various

different

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

genres of

music

and its importance for

human

Correct article usage

the human

show examples

race has been widely

acknowledge

Change the verb form

acknowledging

acknowledged

show examples

This

essay will elucidate the underlying reasons why the existence of

music

is essential in our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Additionally

, it will discuss whether a country's traditional

music

holds

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

important position than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international

music

and why I disagree with the statement.

Music

has played

pivotal

Correct article usage

a pivotal

show examples

roles

Fix the agreement mistake

role

show examples

in influencing the life of our society regardless of where we live. Historically, humans have used

music

as a form of art and expression.

For instance

, the Arabs developed

percusions

Correct your spelling

percussions

percussion

as their traditional musical instruments to show their identity as a nation that upheld

vigor

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vigour

show examples

ways of life. Nowadays, people listen to

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

for various reasons,

such

as relaxing and as a means to light up

the

Change the word

their

show examples

moods.

Music

can even be economically profitable for many people as they can earn money by making

music

This

shows how

music

has been essential for our identity,

well-beings

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

, and even our economic sustainability. Despite the universal acceptance of the

significant

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significance

show examples

music

, there is still a debate

whether

Change preposition

about whether

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traditional

music

is more important than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international

music

This

contention stems from the fact that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international

music

gains more popularity which eventually threatens the existence of traditional

music

However

, I strongly believe that all genre of

music

is equal, nothing is better or more significant than others. Choosing which

music

to listen

Change preposition

to is

show examples

a manifestation of individual taste. The deterioration of people's interest in traditional

music

should be seen as

Change the article

show examples

inevitable development of our culture,

instead

of a threat. In conclusion,

music

has been an essential element in humans' lives as shown by the positive impacts that it brings in our society.

However

, it should be noted that all

music

genres are equally important to be preserved.

Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on Wed Oct 11 2023

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for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Education should be accessible to people of all economic backgrounds. All leveld of education, from primary school to tertiary education, should be free. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

Some people believe that students should not be given h/w , while others claim that hw is very important in education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangeret species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion?

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations?