There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country

Nowadays, there are various

different

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

genres of

music

and its importance for

human

Correct article usage

the human

show examples

race has been widely

acknowledge

Change the verb form

acknowledging

acknowledged

show examples

This

essay will elucidate the underlying reasons why the existence of

music

is essential in our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Additionally

, it will discuss whether a country's traditional

music

holds

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

important position than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international

music

and why I disagree with the statement.

Music

has played

pivotal

Correct article usage

a pivotal

show examples

roles

Fix the agreement mistake

role

show examples

in influencing the life of our society regardless of where we live. Historically, humans have used

music

as a form of art and expression.

For instance

, the Arabs developed

percusions

Correct your spelling

percussions

percussion

as their traditional musical instruments to show their identity as a nation that upheld

vigor

Change the spelling

vigour

show examples

ways of life. Nowadays, people listen to

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

for various reasons,

such

as relaxing and as a means to light up

the

Change the word

their

show examples

moods.

Music

can even be economically profitable for many people as they can earn money by making

music

This

shows how

music

has been essential for our identity,

well-beings

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

, and even our economic sustainability. Despite the universal acceptance of the

significant

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significance

show examples

music

, there is still a debate

whether

Change preposition

about whether

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traditional

music

is more important than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international

music

This

contention stems from the fact that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international

music

gains more popularity which eventually threatens the existence of traditional

music

However

, I strongly believe that all genre of

music

is equal, nothing is better or more significant than others. Choosing which

music

to listen

Change preposition

to is

show examples

a manifestation of individual taste. The deterioration of people's interest in traditional

music

should be seen as

Change the article

show examples

inevitable development of our culture,

instead

of a threat. In conclusion,

music

has been an essential element in humans' lives as shown by the positive impacts that it brings in our society.

However

, it should be noted that all

music

genres are equally important to be preserved.

Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on Wed Oct 11 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Some people prefer to have temporary jobs, which means they only work a few months in a year and use the rest of the time to do what they want. What is your opinion?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

You are working in a company. You would like to join a training course related to your work. Write a letter to your employer, in your letter - describe what course you would like to do - how this course might help in your work - suggest a suitable time for you to do this course.