IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that young people should spend more of their free time at home with their families, and spend less time entertaining outside. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #home #families
In recent decades, a rising number of young people or couples prefer to move out of their parents' house. Some people suggest that they are supposed to stay at home in their leisure
time
instead
 of hanging out,
while
 others argue that youngsters should spend more
time
 outside. Supporters normally focus on the following two aspects. For one, it is conducive for the young generation to pay more attention to interactions with family members, which provides abundant opportunities for them to share their study or working experiences with family. By doing so, not only can children and parents become more empathic to each other, but can
also
 improve their relationship. For another, the frequent communication between them is really beneficial to shorten the gap among different generations, which is able to enhance the elders' pace to follow the rapid development of the world.
Nevertheless
, there are certain drawbacks for youths to consume most of their free
time
 at home.
Firstly
, spending a lot of
time
 with parents may impair their ability to live on their own when they get older.
For instance
, generally, there is no need for kids to cook, wash the dishes, and pay the utility bills if they are under careful parenting.
Therefore
, the awareness of independence might fade away from their mind gradually, resulting in a group of lacking self-care-ability adults.
Furthermore
, it is crucial for teenagers and young workers to engage in various recreational activities in their spare
time
.
As a consequence
, they will get more chances to gain new friends and explore their own interests, which can develop their connections and release stress. From my perspective, only focusing on one aspect will give rise to more shortages than merits. Young people are suggested to balance their free
time
 to connect with their warm family
as well as
 allocate enough
time
 and space to enjoy themselves.
Submitted by liumuxi568 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Include a thesis statement in your introduction to clearly state your opinion.
lexical resource
Use more diverse vocabulary and sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and use correct verb tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • bond
  • nurture
  • meaningful
  • connection
  • independence
  • decision-making skills
  • well-rounded
  • personal preferences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: