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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people today prefer to socialise online rather than spend time with friends in the local community. To what extent do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#people #socialise #time #friends #community
Some
people
 like to chat online with their
friend
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friends
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while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
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others
show examples
 would
like
Add the particle
like to
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 talk with some close
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 in the local area. From my point of view, I
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with the latter view and my supportive idea will be shown in the following paragraphs before the conclusion inclined.
It is clear that
 nowadays
the
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apply
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people
 tend to live in the online world longer than the previous time
due to
 the development of technologies that living in the daily
life
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lives
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 of
eveyone
Correct your spelling
everyone
 so we cannot escape from these things.
Moreover
,
the
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apply
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people
 have to work
among
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the technology and internet almost
of
Correct pronoun usage
all of
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 the time so
this
 is like the thing that we are familiar with.
Next,
the
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apply
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social
medias
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media
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are providing
Wrong verb form
provide
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the
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apply
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convenience which
were
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where
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the
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apply
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people
 can talk together even though they are in long-distance
relashionship
Correct your spelling
relationships
relationship
 and
the
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apply
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transportation costs are the thing that
do
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does
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 not important anymore. By the way, as we can see
that
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apply
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comunicating
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communicating
 online might
be have
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have
show examples
 a lot of benefits but for
the
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apply
show examples
some aspects of our relationships
that
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apply
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there
are not
Verb problem
is
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anything
Correct pronoun usage
nothing
show examples
 better than facing
with
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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real
people
 because we can sense the feeling of emotion, atmosphere, and expression.
Second,
having the activity together was
such
 a beautiful moment and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
improved our mental health by joining the other community that was the reason why we are social
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
.
Lastly
, in the long term spending time together will keep our
ralationships
Correct your spelling
relationships
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
longer by taking care
each
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of each
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 other and having some valuable moments in some good places. To
summaries
Replace the word
summarise
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, chatting on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
benefits but
we
Correct word choice
if we
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 want to keep our
ralationships
Correct your spelling
relationships
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
longer we should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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live together and find some good moments in the relationship.
Submitted by ChampJT on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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