Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are requiered. Discuss both these views and your own opinion.

One group of
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
claim that
that
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apply
show examples
increasing the
abandance
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abundance
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
sports facilities is the most effective method of improving the
coumminity's
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community's
health
while
others say different ways
needed
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need
show examples
to be approached. In my opinion, I believe that
engage
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engaging
show examples
in
physical
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the physical
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form of activities on a daily basis can have a huge impact on
community's
Correct article usage
a community's
show examples
both
mentall
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mental
mentally
and physical
health
.
However
, I agree that implementations like being educated on
health
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healthy
show examples
diets and disease conditions can be helpful too.
Due to
the advancement of technologies and busy and hectic work life
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
embraced a sedentary lifestyle which
makes
Verb problem
puts
show examples
both mental and physical
health
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at risk of deterioration. Most children nowadays are spending their afterschool hours watching
televisions
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television
show examples
and playing video games rather than playing outside with friends. Making sports
centers
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centres
show examples
abundantly in
a
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an
show examples
area with different types of sports to practice or to engage in physical exercises like yoga or aerobic exercises will influence the
community
to perform and
enroll
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enrol
show examples
in activities.
For example
, establishing exercise machines near the park or a jogging path in my area has made many
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
to
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apply
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come for
thier
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their
morning jog. They even tend to
accompanied
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accompany
show examples
with
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apply
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children as children go and play on the exercise machine which increases
htier
Correct your spelling
their
physical activity levels
as well as
improving
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improves
show examples
their mental
health
. But, Physical activities may not address
for
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apply
show examples
every one
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everyone
show examples
in the
community
as many may not prefer doing strenuous exercises
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
may be
due to
illnessess
Correct your spelling
illnesses
illness
.
Therefore
, other healthy measures like advocating for non-communicable diseases and
benefits
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the benefits
show examples
of healthy diets can be done through
televisions
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television
show examples
. Programmes like these can influence
poeple
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people
to eat healthy fresh foods rather than processed foods. The
governement
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government
can impose bans or increase taxes
for
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on
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the
ciggarretts
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cigarettes
and alcohol and
fat rich
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fat-rich
show examples
foods in the market. In conclusion,
road
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the road
show examples
to a healthy life in a
community
do
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does
show examples
not solely depend on physical
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
and adopting other healthy measures
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
their
lifestlyes
Correct your spelling
lives
individually can make the population free from
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
Submitted by Tharinee on

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issue
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay.
content
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
content
Provide a balanced discussion by presenting the counter argument more clearly.
language
Improve the coherence and cohesion by using appropriate transition words and phrases.
language
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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