IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are dependent on fast foods as their main meals. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#pace #life #people #foods #meals #outweigh
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In spite of technological advancement and the widespread modern life pattern, there has been an increasing number of
people
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 eating takeaway as their main meal.
This
Linking Words
 essay argues that the downsides of health issues and environmental problems outweigh the benefits of having an enjoyable meal. It is essential to acknowledge the disadvantage that more and more
people
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 will suffer from many stomach-related illnesses by eating frequently fast
food
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.
In other words
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,
junk
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food
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 contains an immense amount of animal oil and other harmful chemical substances that are used to improve the smell and taste of the
food
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 and attract the customers' cravings can cause many severe cancers in the stomach or nervous systems.
As a consequence
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, the decline of public health will put a strain on national development and society's welfare, leading to an inadequate workforce. Take the USA as a pertinent example, where a third of the young population craving to eat
junk
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food
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 experience many kinds of diseases,
such
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 as obesity and diabetes, motivating the highest proportion of obese
people
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 in the world. Another disadvantageous factor is the seriousness of the environmental circumstances.
This
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 is because parallel with the rising number of
people
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 eating
junk
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food
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, the amount of plastic utilized to contain fast
food
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 increased significantly over the years, causing the destruction of ecosystemic balance.
In addition
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, the waste of fast
food
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 can
also
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 become another harmful chemical pesticide for the earth and water,
although
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 it can help to improve agricultural productivity.
For
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this
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 reason, the pollution by
junk
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food
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's trash puts hard pressure on environmental protection organizations and funding to address with.
Thus
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, the more fast
food
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 is consumed, the more polluted the ecosystem is. Some critics,
however
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, assume that they live to enjoy delicious
food
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 like fast
food
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 without any global consideration, which is irrelevant to themselves. There is a belief that the ambition of eating overwhelming
food
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 becomes their motivation, contributing to
junk
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food
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 being one of their universal decisions.
This
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 may be true, but the human civilization which is the unity will eliminate those
people
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 who are indifferent to the problems that fast
food
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 brings about to the communities.
As a result
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, they will be blamed and criticized by many
people
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 for their lack of contribution to considerate issues and selfishness to enjoy by themselves. Taking all points into account, the possible benefits of enjoyable meals are outweighed by the drawbacks of the negative health and ecosystem impacts.
Therefore
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, it should have been demonstrated that it is non-beneficial to have fast
food
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 as a principal meal until its adverse effects were disappeared.
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coherence cohesion
While your argument is well-structured and insightful, ensure you reduce minor grammatical errors. These can slightly disrupt the flow and clarity of your essay.
task achievement
You provided specific examples which are excellent, but try to integrate more statistical data or research to support your points further.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt. Your viewpoints are well-articulated.
task achievement
You have effectively included relevant specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your points significantly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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