he number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. Why do people want operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operations #change #development

Over the past few decades, there has been a dramatic increase in the crowd who want to do cosmetic

surgery

in order to heal after injury or illness. Because it is

also

able to redesign the shape or contour of some parts of the body. I claim that it is a positive process and can make life better for the community.

To begin

, nowadays a number of accidents illustrated a noticeable growth.

Consequently

, after heavy accident public need adequate rehealing or even molded

surgery

. Sometimes when an accident occurs, it may destroy some parts of the body or face that a person can't embrace. In that case, a person needs immediate measures

such

as plastic

surgery

or amputation. So cosmetic and plastic surgeries have a great impact on people's life and look.

Secondly

, there are plenty of society who have a bunch of acne or wrinkles on their face and they become shy about that. Teenagers that are in their adolescence experience depression and burnout which can lead to extra stress or even suicide.

Furthermore

, there are a lot of public who were born with something special in their bodies and many of them want to get rid of that.

Subsequently

, plastic

surgery

is the best option for them because some global companies ensure their safety during the procedure. In conclusion, all the aforementioned points illustrate that cosmetic

surgery

has a high potential and incredible development over time. It is capable of making our look more beautiful and treatment faster than previous times.

Submitted by ieltssat8 on Thu Oct 12 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points and give a clear stance on whether you think this is a positive or negative development.

task achievement

Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?
In contemporary society, when people want to become celebrities such as actors, boy bands, and girl groups, they have to have a good appearance to attract others to like them. Therefore, there is an increase in the number of people tending to have cosmetic surgery in order to develop their face while many believe that more individuals have to use this method to change their look. This essay will discuss both sides of the controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided.
6
band
In many modern societies, grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. Why do you think this is? What are the consequences of this trend?
People arguably that the grandchildren seldom have spare time with their grandparents these days. In this essay, I will explain about my perspectives and the consequences of this issue.
4.5
band
With the rapid development of communication technology, e.g smart phones, tablets and other communication devices, some people believe that the disadvantages of these devices outweigh their advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is considered by many that with the quick improvement in electrical device, such as mobile phones, iPod and other communication products, a small group of people thinks that the negative effects outweigh the positive effects. In my point of view, I believe that the disadvantages exceed the advantages.
7.5
band
Prevention is better than cure. research and treatment are costly, it is beneficial in investing in preventive measures
Investment in the healthcare sector by the government and private entities has been humongous in the past decade. A time has been reached when health has become a luxury. Advancement and integration of medicine and technology have led to novel treatment protocols for various complex illnesses. Hence, getting treatment has become expensive. Therefore, some concerned parties contend that investing in preventive measures would benefit an individual financially and could guarantee a better quality of life.
6.5
band
The government is spending a lot of money to discover life in other planets some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money Addressing problems of public To what extent you agree or disagree?
These days, the government spends a large part of its budget not only on public services, but also the arts. Although I agree that it is important to spend money on public services, I do not think spending on the arts is a waste of money.

he number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. Why do people want operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

In many modern societies, grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. Why do you think this is? What are the consequences of this trend?

With the rapid development of communication technology, e.g smart phones, tablets and other communication devices, some people believe that the disadvantages of these devices outweigh their advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Prevention is better than cure. research and treatment are costly, it is beneficial in investing in preventive measures

The government is spending a lot of money to discover life in other planets some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money Addressing problems of public To what extent you agree or disagree?