he number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. Why do people want operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Over the past few decades, there has been a dramatic increase in the crowd who want to do cosmetic
surgery
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in order to heal after injury or illness. Because it is
also
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able to redesign the shape or contour of some parts of the body. I claim that it is a positive process and can make life better for the community.
To begin
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, nowadays a number of accidents illustrated a noticeable growth.
Consequently
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, after heavy accident public need adequate rehealing or even molded
surgery
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. Sometimes when an accident occurs, it may destroy some parts of the body or face that a person can't embrace. In that case, a person needs immediate measures
such
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as plastic
surgery
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or amputation. So cosmetic and plastic surgeries have a great impact on people's life and look.
Secondly
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, there are plenty of society who have a bunch of acne or wrinkles on their face and they become shy about that. Teenagers that are in their adolescence experience depression and burnout which can lead to extra stress or even suicide.
Furthermore
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, there are a lot of public who were born with something special in their bodies and many of them want to get rid of that.
Subsequently
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, plastic
surgery
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is the best option for them because some global companies ensure their safety during the procedure. In conclusion, all the aforementioned points illustrate that cosmetic
surgery
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has a high potential and incredible development over time. It is capable of making our look more beautiful and treatment faster than previous times.
Submitted by ieltssat8 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points and give a clear stance on whether you think this is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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