he number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. Why do people want operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operations #change #development

Over the past few decades, there has been a dramatic increase in the crowd who want to do cosmetic

surgery

in order to heal after injury or illness. Because it is

also

able to redesign the shape or contour of some parts of the body. I claim that it is a positive process and can make life better for the community.

To begin

, nowadays a number of accidents illustrated a noticeable growth.

Consequently

, after heavy accident public need adequate rehealing or even molded

surgery

. Sometimes when an accident occurs, it may destroy some parts of the body or face that a person can't embrace. In that case, a person needs immediate measures

such

as plastic

surgery

or amputation. So cosmetic and plastic surgeries have a great impact on people's life and look.

Secondly

, there are plenty of society who have a bunch of acne or wrinkles on their face and they become shy about that. Teenagers that are in their adolescence experience depression and burnout which can lead to extra stress or even suicide.

Furthermore

, there are a lot of public who were born with something special in their bodies and many of them want to get rid of that.

Subsequently

, plastic

surgery

is the best option for them because some global companies ensure their safety during the procedure. In conclusion, all the aforementioned points illustrate that cosmetic

surgery

has a high potential and incredible development over time. It is capable of making our look more beautiful and treatment faster than previous times.

Submitted by ieltssat8 on Thu Oct 12 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points and give a clear stance on whether you think this is a positive or negative development.

task achievement

Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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he number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance. Why do people want operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, the gap between the rich and poor is widening. What problems can this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that construction of new public buildings such as museums, towns halls and sporting is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

You travelled by plane last week and your suitcase was lost. You have still heard nothing from the airline company. Write to the airline and • explain what happened • describe your suitcase and tell them what was in it • find out what they are going to do about it

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.