IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people think that mobile phone should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #phone #places #libraries #shops #transport
There is an argument that smartphones should be banned from the public. Personally, I strongly do not believe in
this
 idea because everyone has the freedom to do things that they prefer.
Moreover
,
people
 are using
phones
 for work so they need to keep
contacting
Wrong verb form
in contact
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others at
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 necessary.
Firstly
, We all have the freedom to choose what we prefer
sostoppingp
Correct your spelling
stopping
people
 from using
phones
 in public hurts
this
 point. Using
phones
 too much indoors or outdoors
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 equally harmful, why only using
phones
 in public should be banned?
Secondly
, Most
people
 are using
phones
 to transfer information at work. They need to catch up with colleges anytime, perhaps, anywhere. If using
phones
 were banned how would
people
 contact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others in urgent
Correct your spelling
circumstances
circumtances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
To sum up
, There is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 that smartphones should be banned anywhere.
People
 should know how to use digital devices on their own, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not be controlled by anyone.
Submitted by nguyenthitinh1995lc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • banned
  • public places
  • libraries
  • shops
  • public transport
  • disruptive
  • disturb
  • safety hazard
  • distraction
  • reduce productivity
  • convenient
  • useful information
  • responsibly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: