IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.
#information #predictions #change #percentage #population #three #countries
The shown table represents some data and beforehand ideas for the change in proportion of the
people
 aged 65 and above in
Canada
,
Germany
 and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. Generally speaking,
Germany
 is leading in the population aged 65 and above category from
Correct article usage
the begining
show examples
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the period till
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of the period.
Also
, the number of old
people
 followed
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
rate
 in
Canada
 and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
represents
Wrong verb form
represented
show examples
 in
table
Add an article
the table
a table
show examples
,
Germany
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
rate
 among the others with 20.45% in 1988.
Also
, in 2000,
Germany
 recorded approximately 5% growth and reached 25.32, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
these statistics, it is possible to predict that
Germany
 will keep its leadership and reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30.43% with
recording
Wrong verb form
a record
show examples
 5.1%
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
rate
 till 2030. And,
Canada
 recorded approximately
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
%
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
rate
 and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20.67% from 16.32%.
Moreover
, regarding to latest statistics, the
prediction of
Replace the word
predicted
show examples
 portion of old
people
 in
Canada
 reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
26.35%
till
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2030.
Additionally
,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 is the
last
 one with its
rate
Correct word choice
highest rate
show examples
 among
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2 countries. The odds of the old
people
 was 14.23% in 1988.
Also
,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 recorded
least
Correct word choice
the lowest
show examples
 change
rate
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1988 and 2000 with 0.66%.
According to
 these statistics, it
predict
Change the verb form
predicts
show examples
 that
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 will reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20.35%
till
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2030
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
recording approximately
4
Correct article usage
a 4
show examples
% change
rate
.
Submitted by xetaiesgerov1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, canada, germany, uk, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage change
  • population
  • aged 65 and above
  • information
  • table
  • data
  • trends
  • patterns
  • comparison
  • predicted
  • future
  • findings
  • comment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: