Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour

Since

rapid

Add an article

the rapid

show examples

development of technology

people

have started spending a lot of time

Change preposition

show examples

their

gadets

Correct your spelling

gadgets

gardens

. Certain humans believe that watching abuse on

devises

Replace the word

devices

show examples

can cause terrible problems

while

others

totally

Rephrase

apply

show examples

concider

Correct your spelling

consider

that

such

content cannot damage mental health. I

am absolutely consider

Change the verb form

absolutely consider

show examples

that

violence

Change preposition

show examples

the internet

Change the verb form

does

show examples

not affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. First of all, every

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

starts forming

since

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show examples

childhood and the main role

plays

Verb problem

show examples

family. The

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, manner of

speach

Correct your spelling

speech

, and

espessially

Correct your spelling

especially

tendency

Correct article usage

the tendency

show examples

to aggression

goes

Change the verb form

show examples

from

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

style of education. If parents argue a lot, home

violence

exists, child will grow

with hate

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up hating

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

other innoсent

people

and they will try to do the same evil which exists at home. For

examle

Correct your spelling

example

, at my school was a boy who always tried to hurt girls

unil

Correct your spelling

until

class

Correct article usage

the class

show examples

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

discovered that he had serious problems with his mother.

Thus

, a lot of

agression

Correct your spelling

aggression

can appear

due to

improper education of children and

such

omission may even destroy

ones

Change to a genitive case

one's

show examples

life. Anyway,

although

some

people

strongly consider that all of the

nedativity

Correct your spelling

negativity

nativity

that

people

can watch on TV or in any other content will affect them, I doubt it. Any

manifistation

Correct your spelling

manifestation

manifestations

violence

has always been and history is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

proof of that. For as long as humanity has existed uncountable number of wars

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

been fought and in that time

people

lived

withought

Correct your spelling

without

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

For example

, during The Second World

War

Add a comma

War,

show examples

humans were killed just for their race.

Hence

, gadgets do not play

significant

Add an article

a significant

show examples

role in changing

people

's mental health. Taking everything

Change preposition

into

show examples

consideration it can be concluded that even

thought

Correct your spelling

though

show examples

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

can include elements of

violence

, it does not affect

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

behavior

otherwise

the world would go crazy.

That is

why I am totally sure watching

such

content

Correct subject-verb agreement

does

show examples

not influence

Change preposition

apply

show examples

himan's psychology.

Submitted by daria.s.poroshina on Thu Oct 12 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one better?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why is this happened? How this can be solved?

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?