IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion.

#people #advocate #death #penalty #crimes #punishment #society
Since ancient times,
people
 have tried to find different ways to punish crimes. One
such
 punishment, which is still used in some countries today, is the
death
penalty
.
This
 essay will look at the pros and cons of
this
measure
 and describe
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 opinion about it. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 there are some number of advantages of
this
measure
,
such
 as cutting off the situation at the root and intimidating
people
.
By destroying
Change preposition
Destroying
show examples
 the problem at once, completely,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help prevent the terrible consequences that could have occurred.
For example
, in China,
people
 who are caught corrupting themselves are subject to the
death
penalty
, as are their relatives, and
this
measure
 helps to minimize the problem. Intimidating
people
also
 plays a role, because when
people
 around them see the consequences of bad deeds, they stop wanting to do the same. As an example, China, mentioned above, where the level of corruption has reached a minimum in the
last
 50 years.
Thus
, the
death
penalty
 has some advantages in the form of fear and reduction of a number of problems.
On the other hand
,
such
 an act has a huge number of disadvantages, the most glaring of which is that
people
 believe they have the right to take another
person
's life. They did not give the condemned
person
 life, and
people
 of faith are generally convinced that only God can administer justice. The worst thing that can happen is to find out the innocence of a
person
 after his execution. There are many examples in history when it turned out that a
person
 was innocent after his execution, and the criminal continued to be free.
Thus
, the
death
penalty
 is the most extreme
measure
. Personally, I am convinced that
such
 a
measure
 should not be applied to
people
, after all, we live in the 21st century and there are many other ways to punish a
person
, which can be even more cruel than
death
. In conclusion,
although
people
 may have committed serious crimes, they should be treated humanely and given a second chance. I believe that human life is very precious,
therefore
 it should always be preserved.
Submitted by daria.s.poroshina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Provide a clearer stance or opinion on the death penalty.
coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas more fully and provide more elaboration.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to improve the lexical resource of your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
There are some minor grammatical errors that need to be addressed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: