IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s world,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the significant goal of technological
development
Use synonyms
 should enhance
people
Use synonyms
 life quality. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and provide a few opinions below. There are several reasons supporting my view, the first advantage of
Use synonyms
science
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 is improving health.
In particular
Linking Words
, with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
technological
development
Use synonyms
, there are many significant ways to treat illness effectively
were found
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, In the past, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 was not developed, we had to struggle to find the treat terminally ill effective methods
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
As a result
Linking Words
, when
science
Use synonyms
 will
be grow
Change the verb form
grow
show examples
 up significantly, it may create many different methods and new pills to take care of human lives better. Another benefit of
development
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
 is creating many more good work opportunities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the technology era, thanks to different social platforms,
people
Use synonyms
 can find it easier to
looking
Change the form of the verb
look
show examples
 for a partner who may help their work operation better.
For example
Linking Words
, a businessman can communicate with partners ,
Correct word choice
and employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 through Linkedin, Facebook or Zoom platforms.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social platforms
also
Linking Words
 connect with persons who are looking for jobs. It is beneficial for all members of society to have a developed career aim.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when technology
develop
Change the verb form
develops
show examples
 strongly, It will increase
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
careers
Change the noun form
career
show examples
 opportunities
to
Change preposition
so
show examples
 workers can work effectively which lead to
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 economic strongly. In conclusion, it is generally believed that the most significant
goals
Fix the agreement mistake
goal
show examples
 of
science
Use synonyms
 improve
Use synonyms
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because of the improvement of health sciences and personal economics.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and follow logically from the last. Use cohesive devices to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should clearly address the prompt and outline the main points of your essay, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your thoughts without introducing new ideas
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed and developed examples. Use specific and relevant illustrations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Ensure that your essay presents a clear position throughout the response and fully develops an answer to all parts of the question.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and explained comprehensively. Work on expanding your ideas with more in-depth analysis and elaboration to clarify your argument.
task achievement
Include relevant examples to fully support your arguments. These can illustrate the real-world application of your points and strengthen your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: