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Band 3

Social media affect attention span. So you agree or disagree?

#media #attention #span
Social
media
 is a great source of entertainment.
While
 some argue that social
media
 does not decrease
attention
 span, I side with those who think that the presence of social
media
 affects one’s ability to concentrate for two main reasons.
First,
social
media
 users can suffer from
addiction
. The advancement of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 can produce social
media
 algorithms based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
user
 preference to capture the
user
Change noun form
user's
show examples
attention
.
As a result
, social
media
 displays a bunch of data covering
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of topics that might be the interests of its
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
. At
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
 the
user
 might open social
media
 as a form of curiosity. It
then
 continues to feed
user
Correct article usage
the user
show examples
 with the clickbait to gain even more the
user
’s
attention
. The cycle continues and there goes the
addiction
 process occurs resulting in
attention
 reduction. Another reason why social
media
 decreases someone’s attentiveness is the health problems it possesses
as a result
 of
addiction
. Similar to the
addiction
 case in
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
 users,
addiction
 can disrupt the way
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 works. It alters the nerve conduction inside the
user
’s brain.
Consequently
, the
user
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to find it hard to stay
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 and composed as the physiology changes in the way that
user
 judgement will be clouded. In conclusion, social
media
 usage alters
user
 concentration by causing an
addiction
 and changing how the brain works. I,
therefore
, remain firmly convinced that the utility of social
media
 can alter
user
’s
attention
 span.
Submitted by Uki_i9 on

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task achievement
Provide a more detailed introduction to set the context of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your main points and provide more supporting evidence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-organized.
coherence cohesion
Include a separate paragraph for the conclusion and summarize your main points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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