IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people spend a lot of free time in the shopping center. This can be negative. Do you agree or disagree.

Shopping mall has become a popular place for many
people
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 to spend their leisure
time
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.
This
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 is no exception for youngsters. Nowadays youngsters spend an excessive amount of
time
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 at the shopping
centre
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. I strongly agree that
this
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 can be perceived as negative because of not only the consumerism behaviour they develop but
also
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 the unproductive
activities
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 they do.
First,
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young
people
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 who spend
a huge amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a huge amount
huge amounts
show examples
 of
time
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 at shopping
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centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 are likely to develop consumerism behaviours. As shopping
centre
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 offers a lot of shop
wide
Rephrase
apply
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ranging from clothing store, book store, and many others, they can get tempted to buy something out of their necessities.
This
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 can result in learning
a
Remove the article
apply
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bad financial management as a habit. If
this
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 habit is something they keep doing until
then
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, they will get used to
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
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 their money on something out of their priorities and lack self-confidence in managing their balance account. Another reason why
this
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 can be seen as negative is they become unproductive. The shopping malls mostly offer
activities
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 that do not require young
people
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 to think and develop skills.
Activities
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such
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 as window shopping, going to arcades, and watching movies at the cinema are
activities
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 that do not stimulate
people
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 to actively learn.
Thus
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, these
activities
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 can cause young
people
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 to become unproductive and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
self-development. In conclusion, spending leisure
time
Use synonyms
 at a shopping
centre
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 in a huge amount can cause young
people
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 to develop consumerism behaviour and adopt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unproductive habits. I,
therefore
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, remain firmly convinced that a massive amount of
time
Use synonyms
 at a shopping
centre
Use synonyms
 can affect youngsters in a bad way.

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