IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and dring products contain high level of sugar, which causes several health problems. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #products #level #sugar #health #product #people
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Irrespective of our age, it is hard for many of us to resist the appeal of
mouth watering
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mouth-watering
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 sweet foods.
However
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, scientifically it has already been proven that high
sugar
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 intake can lead to different physical complications. A passive way to demotivate
people
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 to purchase
such
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 detrimental foods can be to increase the price.
However
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, to
me
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me,
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this
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 does not seem logical and in the following
sections
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sections,
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 I will give my postulates behind my
stand point
Correct your spelling
standpoint
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. First of all, it is not like that
sugar
Use synonyms
 is completely harmful
for
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to
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 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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. In fact, our body needs
good
Add an article
a good
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 amount of
sugar
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 to produce enough calories to keep us alive and active. If the expenditure for
this
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 item is increased, there can be scenarios where some
people
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 will not be able to afford the
minumum
Correct your spelling
minimum
sugar
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 required for the body.
Moreover
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, there will be a bigger socio-economic impact on top of
this
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.
Sweetmeat
Correct article usage
The sweetmeat
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 industry is a very big industry connected with multiple other supply chains.
For example
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, farming is associated with
this
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 industry through milk, packaging firms
also
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 have
interest
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an interest
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 here. All those companies are employing thousands of
people
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.
Hence
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 price
hike
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hikes
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 in those items can drastically lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumption which in
turns
Fix the agreement mistake
turn
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 can lead to unemployment and poverty.
On the other hand
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, we
also
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 need to protect
people
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 from jeopardising their own health by unhealthy consumption . One way to make them aware
about
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of
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this
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 is to label sweet products about the amount of
sugar
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 they contain. And that can help
people
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 to measure how much they should eat.
Overall
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,
Iinflating
Correct your spelling
Inflating
 the price of products to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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utilization seems counter-intuitive to me.
Instead
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 of solving the root cause, which is crossing
sugar
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 intake limits,
such
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strategy
Correct article usage
a strategy
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 can introduce unforeseen
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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.
That is
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 why I do not agree with the proposal. Rather I suggest
to devise
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devising
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 a scheme where
people
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 will have all the available information to
take
Correct your spelling
make
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 a conscious call
whether
Change preposition
about whether
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 they should have those desserts or not.
Submitted by u.urs.888 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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