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Band 4

Many manufactured food and dring products contain high level of sugar, which causes several health problems. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #products #level #sugar #health #product #people
Irrespective of our age, it is hard for many of us to resist the appeal of
mouth watering
Add a hyphen
mouth-watering
show examples
 sweet foods.
However
, scientifically it has already been proven that high
sugar
 intake can lead to different physical complications. A passive way to demotivate
people
 to purchase
such
 detrimental foods can be to increase the price.
However
, to
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
this
 does not seem logical and in the following
sections
Add a comma
sections,
show examples
 I will give my postulates behind my
stand point
Correct your spelling
standpoint
show examples
. First of all, it is not like that
sugar
 is completely harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. In fact, our body needs
good
Add an article
a good
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 amount of
sugar
 to produce enough calories to keep us alive and active. If the expenditure for
this
 item is increased, there can be scenarios where some
people
 will not be able to afford the
minumum
Correct your spelling
minimum
sugar
 required for the body.
Moreover
, there will be a bigger socio-economic impact on top of
this
.
Sweetmeat
Correct article usage
The sweetmeat
show examples
 industry is a very big industry connected with multiple other supply chains.
For example
, farming is associated with
this
 industry through milk, packaging firms
also
 have
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 here. All those companies are employing thousands of
people
.
Hence
 price
hike
Fix the agreement mistake
hikes
show examples
 in those items can drastically lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumption which in
turns
Fix the agreement mistake
turn
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 can lead to unemployment and poverty.
On the other hand
, we
also
 need to protect
people
 from jeopardising their own health by unhealthy consumption . One way to make them aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 is to label sweet products about the amount of
sugar
 they contain. And that can help
people
 to measure how much they should eat.
Overall
,
Iinflating
Correct your spelling
Inflating
 the price of products to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
utilization seems counter-intuitive to me.
Instead
 of solving the root cause, which is crossing
sugar
 intake limits,
such
strategy
Correct article usage
a strategy
show examples
 can introduce unforeseen
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
.
That is
 why I do not agree with the proposal. Rather I suggest
to devise
Change the verb form
devising
show examples
 a scheme where
people
 will have all the available information to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 a conscious call
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 they should have those desserts or not.
Submitted by u.urs.888 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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