IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below gives information on the gender, marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information on the gender, marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram compares residents of a country who work in retail and manufacturing
industries
Use synonyms
 with their gender, marital status and
age
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast majority of the employees in both
industries
Use synonyms
 are married and in the
age
Use synonyms
 between 28
years
Use synonyms
 old to 39
years
Use synonyms
 old, whilst the gender distribution is extremely opposite.
According to
Linking Words
 the information shown in the table, the proportion of male labourers exceeds that of female labourers by 30% in
manufactuering
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
,
while
Linking Words
 in retail
industries
Use synonyms
 female
empolyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 overtake male ones by 6%. As for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marital status, most of the people in the survey are married which are
seperately
Correct your spelling
separately
 61% and 69%. When it comes to
age
Use synonyms
coparison
Correct your spelling
comparison
, the average
age
Use synonyms
 is 40 in retail and 44 in manufacturing. What
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
 be particularly mentioned is that the proportion of individuals over 62
years
Use synonyms
 old is the lowest in retail which is 4%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in
manufacturung
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
, young workers who are between 16
years
Use synonyms
 old to 27
years
Use synonyms
 old are
fewest
Correct article usage
the fewest
show examples
 which is only 7%.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in the two
industries
Use synonyms
, the gender of employees is distributed considerably
different
Change the word
differently
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the rest two sections have relatively slight differences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words industries, age, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • predominant
  • average age range
  • noticeable trends
  • gender distribution
  • marital status
  • striking features
  • defies common stereotypes
  • patterns
  • notably younger or older
  • workforce
  • implications
  • hiring practices
  • work culture
  • marketing strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: