IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

#behaviour #schools
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The way
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 act at
school
Use synonyms
 has been changing in a negative direction.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the problem of not spending enough time on raising and controlling kids and solutions for
this
Linking Words
. The main cause of
this
Linking Words
 is the fact that guardians spend all their time at work and forget to pay appropriate attention to their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
. In our modern world prices are increasing and people are pushed to work even more.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 do not have anybody to teach them about standard rules of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in society, specifically, for
school
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, my uncle,
due to
Linking Words
 working all day, gave his two
children
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten at the age of 3 and did not pay any attention to their development period. Now, his
children
Use synonyms
 do not listen to anybody and do whatever they wish without thinking of consequences. It is important for
parents
Use synonyms
 to be a part of the kid’s childhood and teach them how to behave and talk with others. Guardians can deal with about one holiday a week or half an hour every day so as to teach
school
Use synonyms
 subjects to their kids or even just to talk. By
this
Linking Words
 method, it will be clearly seen how
students
Use synonyms
 behave themselves during the education process and in society and
parents
Use synonyms
 can strictly say some remarks. It is proven that teenagers are affected more by their
parents
Use synonyms
, and
that is
Linking Words
 why spending time with
parents
Use synonyms
 will change the way
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 talk and act in
school
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 are completely different than they were 50 years ago
as well as
Linking Words
 the raising methods used by
parents
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the cons of the
Use synonyms
students'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 can be replaced by paying more attention from
guardians’
Correct article usage
the guardians’
show examples
 side.
Submitted by aibiikenurlanova414 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further, providing more detailed explanations.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and vary your sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay closer attention to your grammar usage, particularly sentence structures and verb forms.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: